But expectation doesn't make it hurt less. The building is gone. And so is everything else I thought I was building—the marriage, the trust, the hope that maybe love could be enough to overcome fear and damage and all the ways we were both too broken to know how to hold onto something good.
I expected all of it. But it still hurts like I'm losing it for the first time.
Chapter thirty-six
Seamus
Graham is at the head of the table looking like he's already mentally spending his bonus, and Malcolm is pulling up slides that frame the Heritage Street acquisition as a masterclass in strategic maneuvering.
"Closed this morning," Graham announces, and there's satisfaction in his voice that makes my skin crawl.
"Final purchase price came in slightly under projected budget, timeline accelerated thanks to the expedited permitting process. Demolition can begin as early as next month, which puts us ahead of schedule for the full development rollout."
The other board members nod approvingly. Talia makes a note on her tablet. Someone asks a question about the construction timeline.
They're talking about it like it's just another acquisition.
It doesn't feel that way to me.
"The timing worked out perfectly," Malcolm adds, clicking to a slide that shows the timeline overlaid with the historical designation review process.
"We submitted our permits forty-eight hours before the preservation committee could schedule their final review. By the time the city council voted to table the application, we already had all the necessary approvals in motion. Clean. Efficient. Exactly how these situations should be handled."
Something about the way he says it—the self-satisfaction, the emphasis on timing—makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
This wasn't just good strategy.
They had inside knowledge.
"How did we know the committee's review schedule?" I ask, and my voice cuts through Malcolm's presentation. "That's not public information until they publish their monthly agenda."
Malcolm doesn't miss a beat. "We have relationships with city planning staff. It's part of doing business in this city, Seamus. You know that."
"Relationships," I repeat, and I'm watching his face now, cataloging the micro-expressions. "Or inside information obtained through channels that might not stand up to scrutiny?"
The room goes quiet. Graham shifts in his seat, and I catch the briefest glance between him and Malcolm—there is something they're not saying out loud.
"I'm not sure I appreciate the implication," Malcolm says, and his tone has shifted from satisfied to defensive. "Everything we did was legal and above board. We consulted with our attorneys at every step."
"Then you won't mind if I have our compliance team review the acquisition process," I say.
I'm surprised by how calm my voice sounds when my pulse is hammering. "Standard internal audit. Make sure all our information sourcing was properly documented, that any contacts with city officials were appropriate, that we maintained ethical boundaries throughout."
"That seems excessive," Graham interjects smoothly. "This was a straightforward real estate transaction. Auditing it would tie up resources and send a message to the team that we don't trust their judgment."
"Or it would send a message that we take compliance seriously," I counter. "That we do things the right way, not just the fast way. That we don't cut corners just because we can get away with it."
I'm watching them both now, and I'm seeing things I should have noticed months ago.
The way they communicate in glances and subtle gestures. The way they frame every question as already decided, every objection as unnecessary sentiment.
The way they've been managing me—not working for me, but managing me, keeping me informed just enough to maintain plausible deniability while making all the real decisions themselves.
"Seamus," Talia speaks up, and her voice is careful. "I think what Graham and Malcolm are trying to say is that an internal audit at this stage could raise questions about our processes right when we're trying to move forward. If there's a specific concern, we should address it directly. But a fishing expedition that implies wrongdoing when there wasn't any—that could be damaging to morale and to our reputation."
She's not wrong. Launching an audit would undermine confidence right when we need to project stability.
It's the kind of move that justifies replacing CEOs who've lost control of their own organization.
