“I don't know,” Thorne said after what felt like centuries. “I don't exactly have anything to compare it to.” He swallowed. I knew he did. I could picture the three of them sitting on Rafe’s bunk. Kane was there too, he had to have been. I imagined Kane and Thorne sat on either side of Rafe, the three of them leaning on their knees as they watched me sleep in the bunk across. "At the end of the day, I'm not sure it fucking matters."
Kane grunted in agreement, but there was still nothing from Rafe. It was quiet for some time, but I heard the bunk shift, like someone was moving.
“You’re fucking with us. Tell me you’re fucking with us,” Kane said after a long silence, and I realizedthat Rafe was trying to tell them something. Just the possibility that he was had me desperate to see him.
Tugging out of the dregs of sleep, I peeked through my lashes. I’d been right. They all sat there on the edge of Rafe’s bunk, bruised and exhausted, covered in blood. Their grey uniforms were all stained, Thorne and Kane watching as Rafe tried to act things out like a sick game of charades. He seemed to be finishing, tapping the gun he still had a few times. He must've been trying to explain exactly what had happened.
“I won’t do that to her,” Thorne said, his voice cracking. “How could any of us? We were raised to be used, not to be users.”
Kane dropped his face in his hands. “He’ll try again. Halden will pair us with her if it means obedience. He’s built this, all of this, to make us care enough that now? If we lose each other? Have to hurt each other? It’s the ultimate test. He’s not going to let us go until we’ve given him what he wants.”
“I’m not going torapemy girlfriend,” Thorne spat. “That sadistic psychopath can choke on my balls before I lay a hand on Arden that she doesn’t want, and Kane—I swear to god—if you give in, I’ll kill you.”
I was stiff listening to them. I’d purposely kept my breathing even, trying not to draw attention. Though I hated to admit it, I didn’t trust completely that they wouldn’t give in to Halden’s demand, and it was further confirmed with Kane.
He was still holding his face, and Rafe was looking confused, his eyes darting between the two brothers. I realized Kane was hiding what he was saying to keep Rafe in the dark. I couldn’t exactly blame him. Rafe had a gun, and he’d just killed dozens of soldiers without blinking because he’d been pressured to hurt me.
“Thorne,” Kane said unevenly into his palms, “They are going to pin us against each other. At some point, Haldenwillmake us choose—do what he says, or one of us dies. Rafe got lucky getting his hands on the gun. They’re not going to make that mistake again, and Iwon’tlet you die.”
Thorne hung his head, his fingers lacing behind his neck. He tilted his face slightly toward his brother, toward Rafe. “We need to tell her, to at least make it clear to her that we’re not doing it of our own free will.”
Kane finally lifted his face, and his eyes found mine. He was the only one that noticed Iwas awake and listening; his shoulders stiffening a fraction. He was…crying. I thought he was just hiding from Rafe, but his eyes were red rimmed, his cheeks wet. “Arden is the strongest person in this fucking cell,” he said, so sure of it that my heart hammered. He didn't look away, making sure I understood that he didn't plan to lay a finger on me unless he absolutely had to. “We’re going to get through this.”
I shifted then, alerting Rafe and Thorne. Thorne was kneeling beside my bunk in an instant, his hand cradling my face. His smile wobbled, his green eyes dark. “Don’t move too much, baby.”
I parted chapped lips, my throat raw. “If we’re doing this,” I said, my voice cracking, “we’re doing this my way.”
The two of them froze, but Kane nodded slowly, casting his eyes to the floor with a grim expression. He held an understanding of me, like in some ways we were kindred spirits. I could so easily read him, and he seemed to be able to do the same with me. Our energies overlapped, let us into each others heads. It was more than the shared trauma. He knew what I would say before I said it, knew how I felt with onlya tiny quirk of my brow or twitch of my lip. But maybe that was just Kane in general. He was the loudest of the four of us, but he paid the most attention to detail. Maybe that was why he could understand Rafe, too.
“Tell us what you need,” he said and knelt next to Thorne, whose hand was shaking against mine.
I set my jaw. “Maybe in another life, I’d gotten to make the choice of who I slept with, but that’s a luxury I’ve rarely had in this one.” I looked at Thorne, and we shared a sad, understanding smile. “There are very few times it gets to bemychoice. Before it’s taken away from each of us, I’m just going to ask. Do either of you want to be with me in that way? Even a little bit? Because this is it. This is the only time we’ll likely get to choose it for ourselves, and if we do, then that takes some of the power away from Halden.”
Kane’s eyes widened a little. “You want Rafe and I to fuck you?”
“Not unless that’s something you actually want,” I explained. “But we can be together. Hold each other. Do whatever feels right. Then it’s ours and it will…help me through the next parts.” I swallowed thickly, my cheeks burning with shame. “Leah taught me when I was a kid how to pull myself out of it, just be a shell while it was happening. She showed me how I could go somewhere else in my head, live through something happy while the truth was too awful. I’ll do that. Whatever situation Halden puts you in with me, it won’t be me. I’ll be gone, and instead I’ll be focused on this.”
I gripped Thorne’s hand tighter. “I’ll focus on what’s real, not forced.” I looked up at Kane, his expression of absolute defeat. Then I looked at Rafe and I saw his rage. “Please don’t die for me,” I begged them, my eyes darting across all their faces. “If the choice is to use me or lose a Creed, fucking use me. Promise it. Just do what Halden wants and we’ll get the fuck out of here.”
Rafe shook. His entire body trembled as I spoke, his knuckles white against the gun.
But there was only one way through—strategyagainstHalden. We couldn’t just be bystanders or he’d strip us raw, take everything we had and mutilate it. This way, we were claiming each other, making space inside each of our chests where another of us could crawl into when the going got too rough. Life was what we planned to make of it. We’d been dealt shit cards, but they were stillourcards. We were bought, we would beused, but we had a choice of who we were to each other in the in between moments.
“Sleep with me,” I told Thorne. “For a little while.”
He nodded and carefully crawled over me. He laid on his side, head on his arm as he draped his other over me, avoiding my bandaging. The weight of him instantly comforted me.
I glanced up at Kane and Rafe. “There’s room,” I offered. "It doesn't need to be sexual."
Kane sucked in a breath and yanked his pillow down from his bunk. “You do have a way of making the floor look mighty comfortable, Miss Creed.”
Creed. It was the second time he’d referred to me as a Creed that night, but it was the first time it truly sunk in that he had. My stomach flipped, my heart feeling incredibly sore, like it’d beat for as long as it had just to hear myself be recognized aspower. Because that’s what Creed was. Or at least, that’s what I believed that it was up until that point.
Kane settled into what had often become his nightly position, his head on my mattress and his body on the floor. He closed his eyes, didn’t ask for more ortry for more. He knew as well as I did that just the act of him being there was enough.
I lifted my gaze to where Rafe still stood. The rifle hung a bit loosely now, but he hadn’t changed. He still looked furious, his eyes flicking between the three of us. He probably saw it as us giving up. Rafe wasn’t accustomed to the softer things in life, and he definitely didn’t understand that those things were often what you needed to hold onto most.
I outstretched my hand, Thorne already snoring at my back. It was almost like that first night in the cell. Then, Rafe had turned his back on me. Now…I hoped he’d stay.
