I had told my brother first about what Neil did to me. I was too ashamed to tell Ivy because she warned me not to go. She never liked Neil, and Neil never liked her. That should have been my first red flag, but I was in love, so I ignored it. And when I told Dustin, he told Ivy, and together, they begged and pleaded for me to come back. To leave that life behind and start over.
Eventually, I gave in and transferred colleges. It was perfect timing, too, because an apartment opened up across from Dustin’s, leaving room for me and Ivy to move in together, just as it should have been from the beginning.
She rubs small circles on my back, and even though there’s a comforter covering me up, it still soothes the ache that his leaving so abruptly caused. “Men are stupid.”
I turn my head and look at her, fresh tears in my eyes. “Are you calling my brother stupid too?”
Her lips twist to the side as she considers it. “Sometimes, yes. But that’s why he has me, to make sure he isn’t too stupid.”
Even though I have tears in my eyes, I still smile a weak smile.
She grins back, moving her hand to my hair, and pushes it from my forehead. “Who was he anyway?”
I turn over, making sure the covers are covering my tits, and look my friend directly in the eye. I could tell her the truth and describe him, but knowing her, she probably knows him. She knows everyone. And then she’d figure it out and march over to his apartment or house or where he lives, and demand that he be a gentleman, come back, and apologize to me for leaving without a word.
No. I can’t have that embarrassment. Her knowing he snuck out on me is enough.
“I never caught his name,” I say. “The sex just…kind of happened.”
She frowns at me. “That’s not like you, you know.”
“Yeah, I know.” Sighing, I glance away from her and stare at my bookshelf across the room. “I guess I was lonely or something. It doesn’t matter.”
“Of course it matters,” she says softly. “Your heart lives in your vagina, sweetie. You pride yourself on not spreading your legs for just anyone.”
I laugh without humor. “Yeah, and look where that got me. I’ve only ever had sex with Neil. God, I should have never given him my virginity.”
“Maybe this is a good thing,” she says after a pause.
Snapping my gaze back at her, I ask, “How is this a good thing?”
“Well, I mean, how was the sex?”
“Absolutely mind-blowing.” Which is a great feat because, when I’m drunk, it’s very hard to cum. I can never focus, but heripped it right out of me, hitting just the right spots and tipping me over the edge.
The sex was completely different than it was with Neil and his Sharpie-thin dick. Worlds apart.
“Exactly.”
“I’m still not following.”
She grabs my hand and helps me sit up in bed. Then, she stands up and heads to my window, whipping open the curtains and keeping her back to me as I get up and search for clothes in my closet. I pick sweatpants and a graphic T-shirt. “You’re getting yourself out there,” she explains. “You’re testing the waters for what might come. And who knows, maybe you’ll see this guy again—sober—and hit it off.”
I snort, sliding my shirt over my head. “Doubtful.”
She turns around just as I’m sliding my sweatpants on with a scowl on her face. “You have such a low opinion of yourself. It pisses me off. You know what Neil said to you isn’t true, right?”
Huffing, I head to the mirror on the wall, snatch a ponytail from a small stand next to it, and put my hair up in a messy bun. “Ivy, I gained fifty pounds while I was with Neil. He wasn’t lying. I am fat.”
She comes up behind me and rests her chin on my shoulder. In the mirror, she holds my gaze. “I think you’re hotter with your curves. You were always so skinny that you looked sickly. The curves suit you.”
“You’re just saying that because you’re my best friend, love me, and are obligated to make me feel better about myself.”
The hand that’s not holding the mug comes down quickly on my butt. “Have I ever lied to you?”
I yelp and whip around to face her.
She places a hand on her hip and waits for my answer. “Well, have I?”
