She sobbed and arched, rocking over him, losing her rhythm as ripples of tension flew through her limbs, and all the while Starling held her and fucked her through it. Matching her need with his, tasting each cry on her lips with possessive satisfaction.
Moments later, he choked back a guttural groan, his thrusts turning sharp and rough until he pulled her down flush to hiships, bucking desperately into her as the heat of his spend jetted deep into her core, filling her up with his very essence.
As they fought for breath, Starling pulled back, forcing her dazed attention to his face.
What she saw there made Helen go rigid with shock.
“I’m not,” he rasped, his voice low and almost bitter. “I’m not just fucking you. I’m having you, loving you, the only way you’ll let me.”
Starling gripped her chin, not allowing her to look away even as her legs trembled against his hips, the warmth of his release seeping out to coat her thighs.
“I’mbeggingyou, Helen. Give us a chance. Please.”
Helen stared up at him in shock as his choice of words registered in the back of her mind.
He was letting her win. He was asking her to choose her prize.
Starling was begging her to choose him. To let him love her.
You want that, screamed her inner voice, beating frantically at the door she had locked her heart behind many years ago.
But her voice stayed mute, her lips moved, but no sound came out.
Disappointment flared in those beloved azure eyes, his hands softening where they had held her tight, falling away as defeat shuttered over the hope she had glimpsed there in his gaze.
“Very well,” sighed Starling, lifting her and setting her gently away from him. “Forgive me, but I will leave you to see yourself out.”
With those heart-wrenching words, he stood up and stalked from the room without looking back.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
It must have been morethan an hour later, but still Helen couldn’t find the strength to stand up from the couch and leave Captain Starling’s townhouse.
The fire had almost burned itself out, and the lamp in the corner was growing dim, the flame guttering, flickering vainly in the air, just like her supposed dreams.
Helen shivered, cold all of a sudden, but she did not move to retrieve her coat. Instead, she slipped her feet out of her slippers and drew her knees up against her body, hugging herself against the fierce surge of loneliness that burned in her breast.
She knew then that the only heat she truly craved was the warmth of her lover’s embrace. The fierce regard for her that shone in Starling’s eyes whenever they landed on her.
What in the blazes was she thinking?Did she really imagine that moving to Bath, spending her funds on a fancy townhouse and pretty dresses would suddenly fill the hole in her that had done nothing but widen, gaping now like a wound, in the years since her husband’s passing?
Upstairs, there was a man who had just told her he loved her.
Not asked her to change, or marry, or give up her freedoms. No.
All he asked was to be in her presence. Have her affection.
There was more, she knew that. But Helen had never given him the time to say anything of importance during their encounters.
It was as if she had purposely kept Starling at bay, kept him as like a paper cut out of a man, instead of giving him the chance to show her who he really was.
Should she leap into the void, or stay chained to the ledge? It was safe here, but she knew with sudden certainty that there would never be anyone like Starling for her ever again.
What would Amelia do? Helen wondered idly. But in truth, it mattered not.
No. What would Helen do?That was the only question of importance.
As she watched the coals in the brazier crumble in on themselves, flaring and then dimming to a soft red glow, she made her resolution.
