He’s right. I haven’t given my studies the attention I’m claiming.
“The degree is just insurance,” he says.
"I actually want the degree. I want to coach someday. I want options beyond just playing until my body gives out."
"You can still coach, but you can't play in the NHL forever. This is your window—and it’s narrow, very tiny. Your big ass might not even squeeze through."
"I know."
"This is about Sutton, isn't it?"
I don't answer, but I don't need to.
"Man." Ashton sits down beside me. "I get it. I do. But if you two truly love each other, it’ll work out. You have to at least check it out. If you don’t like it, you don’t do it.”
“I know,” I say. “I’m going to think about it. I want to talk to Sutton.”
“You know this is big, right?” His huge smile makes me feel like an asshole. This is huge. I want him to get the dream. I need to be happy for him.
"My dad's taking you to dinner Thursday," I say. "His official pitch."
"Yeah, he texted me." Ashton's excitement is back. "I'm bringing my parents. They want to hear what he has to say."
"He's good at what he does. He'll sell you on the whole package."
"You don't sound happy about it."
"I am. I'm happy for you." And I mean it. Ashton deserves this. He's worked just as hard as I have. "I'm just?—"
"Conflicted."
"Yeah."
"Look, we've got seven weeks before December. That's plenty of time. You don't have to decide right now." He pats my shoulder. "But think about it seriously, okay? This isn't just about you. It's about us. The team. Everything we've built."
"I know."
"Do you? Because it seems like you're looking for reasons to say no."
Maybe I am.
Maybe I'm self-sabotaging again, just like sophomore year when I got "injured."
Or maybe I'm finally figuring out what I actually want.
By the time I get home that evening, the house is already loud with music and voices. Holden decided to throw a "small party," which in Holden’s language meant he invited half the campus.
I find Sutton in the kitchen with Keira, both of them making drinks.
"Hey." I come up behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist. "How was your day?"
She relaxes into me. "Fine. Yours?"
"Long." I press a kiss to her neck. "Want to hide upstairs with me?"
"Can't. Keira made me promise to actually socialize tonight." She turns in my arms. "But later?"
"Later."
