“Oh my god,” a voice says from behind my head.
I turn around, with my arms still holding onto Bridget who had fallen on top of me and am met with Ava’s tear-filled eyes staring down at us. I quicky push Bridget off of me, without meaning to be so harsh but completely taken aback that Ava is here and how bad this must look.
“Ava!” I say as I scramble up to my feet. “I thought you were just at home.”
“I was actually in the car on my way here when I called you,” she says with tears now starting to stream down her face. “I was excited about the new business idea and was coming to surprise you in person. I wish that I hadn’t.”
She turns to walk away, and I try to stop her.
“A goat got loose, and Bridget and I were trying to catch it, but then I fell, and Bridget fell onto me. I know what this looks like, but Ava—I swear that nothing happened.”
God, I feel like such a fool. Somehow, I keep getting into these situations that make it look like I’m very obviously fooling around. Bridget sits up on the grass and tries to launch into an explanation too, but Ava takes one look at her before spinning on her heel and running off toward her car. I race to my feet and run after her, trying to call after her and explain myself as I go. As soon as she reaches her car, I reach out and grab her arm before she opens the car door, and she flings around to glare at me with pain across her face.
“What have you and Bridget been working on?” she asks. “I don’t see anything else done on the farm. Tell me what you’ve been doing.”
I hesitate because Ican’ttell her what we’ve really been doing.
“I can show you in a few days,” I say. “It’s just not done yet so I can’t really tell you right now.”
“Tell me,” she insists as her face contorts into an expression that I can clearly see is one of hurt.
“Ava, I will, I just can’t tell you yet. I—”
“Forget it!” she cries. “This isexactlywhat I was afraid would happen. I moved back here, and you have rekindled an old relationship and are having an affair behind my back. We’re not even married yet!”
“Ava, no, that isn’t true. Just give me some time and a chance to—”
Ava pulls her arm away from my grasp and thrusts her car door open. Nothing that I try to say works to convince her otherwise and I have to step back as she starts to pull away in the car. I don’t even tell Bridget that I’m leaving for the day. Instead, I pull my keys out of my pocket and get into my own car to follow Ava home.
When we get to the house, Ava has already run inside and has locked herself in the bedroom. I stand outside the bedroom door and try to talk to her through the door, but there is no answer, and she refuses to let me in. After an hour of exhausting all of my attempts to get her to talk to me and listen to me, I text Bridget and tell her that we need to move up our plan because it just can’t wait any longer.
8
Ava
Icould barely see the road as I drove home through the deluge of tears streaming from my eyes. And now, as I sequester myself in the bedroom, I feel as though all of my fears have just come true. I left my career and my life in the city all behind in order to move here and be with Trevor. I thought that all of my fairytale wishes and happy endings were going to come true, and that in the springtime, we would be married, and I would finally be completely happy and fulfilled. But now I feel betrayed, and the fear that I had of being trapped back in my hometown are coming true.
I don’t know where to go or what to do. My job in the city is gone and the business that I have been trying to build here won’t work without Trevor building the projects. I’m also pretty sure that the springtime wedding is now going to be called off. And, to top it all off, Christmas is just a week away and instead of having a cozy holiday together, Trevor and I are at likely irrevocable odds.
I listen as he calls to me from the other side of the door. At first, he tries to plead with me and explain himself, then he just begs me to open up the door so that we can talk. But after a while, his words begin to become quieter and less frequent, until eventually he just becomes silent and there is no more talking coming from the other side of the door at all. I listen for a few more minutes, and then when I hear the front door of the house open and shut—my heart drops into my stomach. I wait for another moment, and then slowly open the door to look out into the hallway. Trevor isn’t there anymore.
I walk out to the front of the house and look out the front window into the driveway to see that his car is no longer there either.
He has given up on trying to talk to me and he’s gone.
Trevor is gone. He’s left and he has probably gone right back to Bridget’s farm. I feel the surge of anguish come over me and I buckle to my knees and start to sob.
There’s nothing I can do right in this moment except cry in my empty childhood house and listen to the sounds of my broken dreams echo off the walls around me. I’m not a city girl, and I’m not Trevor’s fiancé. I’m not a big shot marketing executive and I’m not a farm girl. I don’t know what I am anymore, or where I belong. The only thing that I know for sure is that I don’t belong here.
When I finally stop crying, I go back into my bedroom and pull my suitcase out of the closet. I don’t even care about the house anymore. In fact, I don’t even think I care about anything anymore. Without my mother, my career, and the man that I love, I don’t really know what to care about. The only thing that I think I have left is my ability to run away—again.Except this time when I leave, I won’t be coming back.
I pack a suitcase with a random assortment of things that I might need and head to the car. It’s cold and snowing and everything feels frigid and empty both inside and out. I sit in the car in the driveway for a minute or two and look at the front of my house. Then, when I feel as though I can’t take any of it for a single moment longer, I put the car in reverse and pull away. As the sight of the house gets smaller and farther away, I feel both more free and more empty at the same time. By the time I’ve gotten to the main road, my eyes are more clouded over than the winter night sky and much more desolate.
9
Trevor
As soon as I pull back into the drive at Bridget’s farm, she is already standing at the door ready to meet me.
