“Enough!” I shout. I can’t deal with it anymore. I have had enough of their fighting. “I will make myowndecisions, thank you very much. And you two can stay here and argue with each other all you like, but the decision is mine to make. I don’t need to stay here and listen to you bicker either.”
I grab my jacket from the chair and storm out the front door of the house, letting the door slam behind me. I didn’t really have a destination in mind when I stomped outside, but now that I see the barn up ahead, I decide to go hide out in there for a while to be alone and have some quiet to clear my mind.
6
Trevor
Max kept arguing with me even after Ava left the house. I couldn’t care less what he has to say. I completely ignore him and go to find Ava. I can hear him starting to follow behind me out of the house in search of her, probably hoping to find her before I do. But after only a few steps into the dirt, he mumbles something about his designer shoes and heads straight back inside to just wait for her to return to the house instead. I look around and think about where she might have gone. It doesn’t take me long to guess that she probably went to the barn. I remember when we were dating in high school that we used to sometimes sneak out to the barn to get away from our parents. I remember what it was like kissing her back then too. It was wonderful, but it doesn’t hold a candle to what it is like now. There is something entirely more urgent and carnal about what kissing her feels like now.
When I go into the barn, I can already hear her talking as soon as I step inside. For a second, I wonder who she is talking to, but then I can tell that she’s talking to herself. It sounds like she’s giving herself a pep-talk and trying to weigh pros and cons to make a decision about the offer that Max gave her. I walk up to her and she stops talking and looks at me. She doesn’t say anything as I sit down beside her. I stay quiet and wait because I want to let her talk first. I want to hear what she’s thinking and what she wants to say.
“There are a million reasons why I want to take Max’s offer,” she says after a while. “Like literallya million. And Ishouldtake it, because in addition to all the reasons Iwantto, there are so many things that make taking the offer the smartest thing to do.”
I look down at the pile of hay we are sitting on. I don’t really like the direction this conversation is heading.
“But there is onlyonereason keeping me from accepting it,” she says. “You.”
I look up at her in awe.
“Trevor, I am so scared to be trapped here in this ridiculous little town. I felt so stifled here before, and I couldn’t wait to get out of dodge. It terrifies me to think about going backward and to go back to feeling trapped again. But now, well, now I’m questioning everything. I’m questioning whether I should have ever left to begin with, and whether what I’m doing now is really making me happy or not. I don’t want to leave you again. I’ve tried to stay away from you, but I can’t.”
I look at her eyes that dart back and forth between mine, and I can see the unrest in them. I reach for her hand and slowly start to pull her toward me.
“Then don’t,” I say. “Don’t try to stay away from me.”
I see the look on Ava’s face change as she gives in to what neither of us can keep fighting against. She climbs up onto my lap and I wrap my arms behind her back as I kiss her. Our bodies entangle around each other, and as her hands run down my torso and start to undo the top of my jeans, I know now that I am completely hers. Whatever she wants, whatever I can do to make her happy, I will do it. I pull her shirt over her head and toss it to the side before reaching for a nearby blanket that was left in here from last winter. When the last piece of clothing between us has been tossed aside, I swing her beneath my body and climb over her. Ava’s eyes stare up at me and I marvel at how breathtakingly beautiful she is. She is everything I have ever wanted—even the streak of sassy stubbornness that I sometimes butt heads with. She is everything I could ever want and ever need. I bend my head down to kiss her again, pushing my tongue into her open mouth as I push my swollen and throbbing cock inside her body. She gasps and lets out a moan that oozes with the sound of satiated pleasure. I feel her hands grab my waist and pull me deeper into her and I can’t help but moan myself. Every bit of my body trembles at her touch and as I push against the inside of her body, the stimulation makes me convulse with a pleasure more intense than I have ever known. This feeling right now, this slow climb to ecstasy that stretches far past sex and carries with it a much deeper and more precious intimacy, this is what shows me that I can’t be the reason Ava abandons her dreams. I can’t be the one thing holding her back, and I can’t bear the thought that she might resent me if she stays here.
“I’m going to refuse the offer,” she says after our love-making has ended and we are curled around each other in complete contentment. “I’ll tell him tomorrow.”
I should be happy now. I should be elated that she is choosing me—me—over her return to her life in the city. But instead, I feel something else. I feel the raw, and painful, truth of real love. And even though it’s going to kill me, I decide to let her go.
7
Ava
Iam more excited than nervous to decline Max’s offer. I’m well aware that it might be the final nail in my coffin with this firm. But I have never felt so sure about anything before, not even in the city. I’m not going to quit my job, and I’m not ready to just pack up my life in the city yet either. But I’m not going to take the offer and rush to leave here in two weeks’ time. I’m going to stay here for a while, continue my design work remotely, finish the repairs on the house with Trevor, and then see what happens. If I end up returning to the firm once the house is sold, then great. And if I don’t, then also great. I want to see what’s going to happen and give things a chance for once, without a preconceived agenda.
“I think you should take his offer and go,” Trevor says as he pours a cup of coffee while I stand next to the pot.
“What?” I ask. My voice sounds quiet and small because I’m confused and undoubtedly uncertain.
“Why would you say that?” I ask.
I noticed that Trevor isn’t looking me in the eyes. He’s looking down into his coffee cup as if he knows I would be able to tell he was lying to me if he met my gaze. He doesn’t have a chance to answer me, though, because Max walks in from the living room, immediately picking up on the discord between us and instantly trying to capitalize on it.
“I’m going to sweeten the deal for you,” Max says. “Just because I can see that you seem to be struggling with it a bit. Although God knows why, it’s an amazing offer with even just one of the components. But just to be nice, I’ll also throw in a new high-rise loft in Manhattan.”
“Are you kidding me?” I ask in astonishment. “Why? You and I both know I’m not worth that much.”
“Well, maybesomeof us don’t realize your worth,” he says as he tips his head toward Trevor. “But I do.”
I wait for Trevor to react and snap at him. But he doesn’t say anything at all. He just keeps standing there and staring at his coffee cup. I can see his knuckles starting to turn white as his grip tightens around the cup, but aside from that, he is unmoving and completely emotionless.
“Fine,” I say curtly. “I accept.”
I watch for Trevor’s reaction again, and again there is nothing except the slight twitch of the muscles in his forearm. I’m not accepting the offer because of the apartment; I’m accepting it because I am hurt and feel let down by Trevor. I can’t believe that after the night we shared together last night, and after all of the intimate moments we have had, that he is just going to throw in the towel and tell me to leave. Perhaps this is his version of a karmic punishment to get back at me for when I left him after high school. Whatever it is, it hurts—bad.
“You’ll need to hurry up with the house repairs then,” I say spitefully to Trevor out of nothing but pure and utter pain that I am channeling into anger. “Because I’m putting the house on the market right now.”
