I watch her talk and I honestly don’t really buy into it. If she was really doing what she loves, and really enjoying her life, then why didn’t she smile when she talked about it? To me, it doesn’t really seem like she has a good answer. It just seems like she’s kind of lost.
5
Ava
Since it is now apparent that I will be needing to stay here in Fairport for a bit longer than a couple of days, I decide to take a trip to the store to grab a few things; toiletries, food, and definitely more wine. The grocery store is exactly how I remembered it in high school: full of country girls in tight jeans and their coupon-clipping moms.Thiswas the kind of shit I wanted to get away from. I always knew I could be better than this. Not that I am trying to make a dig at the women who wanted this kind of lifestyle, to each his or her own; I just know that it isn’t whatIwant. At least I don’t think it is. Damn it, I need to get out of here. Seeing Trevor again is fucking with my head. Ilovemy life in New York City, and I need to get back to it as fast as humanly possible.
I literally run through the aisles of the store, grabbing what I need before I chance running into anyone that I used to know. When I am nearly to the check-out and can see the cashier in my sights; I hear them. The same gaggle of girls that I used to go to school with. The same posse of women I have been trying like hell to avoid while here.
“Ava? Ava, honey, is that you?”
The shrill voice reeks of mediocrity and overly inflated self-confidence for no other reason that the fact that she hasn’t aged poorly. I turn around and see three of the girls that I went to high school with. All three from my graduating class, and all three girls that I had no desire to ever lay eyes on again.
“Wow, we heard you were in town, but I can’t believe we actually ran into you at the grocery store. I didn’t think people likeyoueven went to grocery stores.”
“What’s that supposed to mean, Cindy?” I ask.
I hated this girl when I was a teenager, and I hate her now in my twenties just as much.
“I feel like we should ask for your autograph.”
She turns to one of the other girls and pretends to ask for a pen.
“I bet you wouldn’t give it to us though, huh? Not without charging us, right? That’s what city girls do I think; charge for everything, even sex,” she says as the other two girls erupt into a fit of hysterical laughing.
I ignore them and focus on getting through the check-out line and getting out of here. Unfortunately though, they aren’t going to let it be that easy for me.
“I heard she was staying at her old house,” one of the other girls says as the three of them get in line behind me. “I also heard that Trevor was staying there too. He’s quite the hottie these days. I bet Ava issupersad that she didn’t snatch him up when she had the chance.”
I bite my lip and greet the cashier quickly so that I can get what I need and leave. But damn that Cindy, she’s not going to let it go. She lets out a shrill laugh that nearly gives me an instant migraine.
“Oh please,” she taunts. “Trevor wouldn’t touch her with a ten-foot pole. He knows those city girls are sluts, especially the successful ones. Hey Ava,” she says as she taps me on the shoulder. “Areyousuccessful?”
I know I shouldn’t listen to her. I try not to make a scene and I try not to give her the satisfaction of letting her know that she’s getting to me. These girls are nothing; they’re less than nothing. They have no clue what they’re talking about and I should turn around and laugh right in their faces for being the ignorant and non-ambitious trophy wives that I’m sure they are getting ready to be. But instead of channeling my inner-city girl fierceness, all of high school seems to wash over me and I feel like running into the second floor bathrooms to hide again. The cashier is looking at me empathetically as she slowly rings up the bottle of wine that I have and asks for my I.D. The girls behind me laugh and snicker as I fumble to get my driver’s license out of my wallet. Then, exactly what I didn’t want to happen, happens. I feel the tears start to swell and feel the heat rush to my cheeks.
“Fuck it,” I say as I leave everything on the conveyor belt and run out of the store.
I can hear the cashier calling after me to ask if I still want my stuff, and Cindy and the girls explode into a howl of laughter. I get in my car and start to drive away as fast as I can toward the house.Thisis exactly the reason I didn’t want to come home. I hate it here.
* * *
“Hey, what’s the matter?” Trevor asks as I storm past him and go to my room.
I slam the door closed and flip the lock. I just can’t deal with anything else right now. I need to step off the ride and breathe for a minute. I sit down on the side of my bed and put my face in my hands.
I’m not going to cry.
I can see the shadow of Trevor’s shoes from outside the door.
Don’t do it; don’t cry.
I can’t help it. The tears pour out as if someone has opened the floodgates. It’s so stupid that I am crying over this. I know better than to cry over those stupid, superficial girls. Those girls would never achieve the things that I have. Those girls won’t amount to anything. But it doesn’t matter. I cry all the same as if everything has boiled over at once. I cry about my mom, and about having to be back here in Fairport, and even about not having been here to spend more time with Mom before she died. I cry about the way I acted with Trevor, and about what those girls said about him. Maybe they were right. MaybeIwas the one that nobody wanted. I cry just as if I am back in high school all over again, and I hate it. I can see Trevor’s shuffling feet from outside the closed door; he wants to say something, but he’s not sure what to say that will help. Nothing will help.
After I finish crying, I wipe my tears with the back of my sleeve and pull myself together. The sooner this house is sold, the sooner I can leave. I go to the door and pull it open, ready to get back to work. When the door swings open, I take a confident step out without looking. That was something Mom always told me when I was feeling sad or scared; she always said to act confident even when I didn’t feel like it and then the rest would follow. But when I do it now, I find myself face to face with Trevor, so physically close that there is an immediate sexual tension in the air. I stand there for a minute stunned, and not really wanting to move. Trevor seems a bit startled too. But he is eventually the one to break the silence.
“I’d like to take you around town,” he says. “To some of your old favorite places.”
I look at him as if he has three heads.
