It represented us, our union. Man and woman. Me and Astrid.
I snatch up the note, my fingers trembling as I unfold it.
Fred,
I wanted you to be my future, with all my heart. Last night on the balcony, I realized that no matter what I do, your heart will remain hidden behind a wall I’m not strong enough to climb.
I know exactly what this costs, what my leaving means for the schools and hospitals back home in Elkevik. It feels like I’m trading my country’s survival for my own, and the weight of that is almost more than I can bear.
But I cannot live as a PR solution to help you avoid a referendum.
I’m sorry I wasn't the solution you were looking for.
I will never forget you. But now, I think we have to say goodbye.
Asti
The truth crashes into me like a blow to the solar plexus, sucking the air from my lungs.
She’s gone. She’s really gone.
I fist the ring in my hand, a rush of emotion surging through me. Anger, frustration, desperation, all tangled together so tightly I can barely breathe.
Why did this happen? Why did she leave?
A voice in the back of my head tells me what I already know. It’s because of me. Me and my stupid walls, those walls I thought I needed to keep myself safe. Me and my ludicrous notion that I had to keep her at arms’ length, that I couldn’t allow myself to be vulnerable with her for fear of… of what? For fear of falling in love with her? Fear of feeling something real with an incredible woman, a woman who’s worth ten times me?
She stood in front of me day after day, offering herself honestly, openly, showing me that she was here for me. And what did I do? I pushed her away at every turn. I hid behind restraint and protocol. I made myself untouchable. Totally off-limits.
And now, I’ve lost her.
No. This can’t be happening.
I won’t let it.
Cold panic grips me and I storm out of the room. I grab a few things from my suitcase, and yank open the door to the suite.
I rush to Tommaso’s door and thud against it with my fist. “Tommaso! Wake up! Tommaso!”
The door opens and a bleary-eyed Tommaso peers out. The instant he sees me, he straightens, his professionalism taking over. “What is it, sir? How can I help?”
“Astrid,” I say. “She’s gone.”
The words cut through me like a knife.
“Gone?” he questions.
“She’s taken her things and left and I need to find her. I must find her.”
“Is the Princess in trouble?” Tommaso asks.
“I don’t know,” I reply, because the truth is, I don’t. All I know is that she isn’t here.
“May I ask if something happened between you and the princess, sir?” he asks carefully.
I swallow, my throat tightening. I don’t know how to answer him. How do I explain the extent of my own stupidity? That I pushed away an extraordinary woman after we shared the most intense and meaningful kiss of my life?
“I need to find her,” I say instead.
