“Is that what you want, Lizzie? To drag this out? To run after a man …”
Lizzie sucked in her breath. She gazed up at her brother, horrified. The blood drained from her face.To run after a man who has made it very clear that I'm not important enough to him.That was what Jamie was trying to say. Humiliation crawled over her in a mottled flush. Was that what she'd been doing, throwing herself at a man who didn't want her?
She'd practically asked him to marry her. Looking back at it now, she saw that her well-constructed argument had been just as much about what she could bring him as it had been about her.
But he said he loved me.
The cold, hard truth hit her square in the chest. Even if he did love her, it hadn't been enough. He'd taken the land and his freedom and left her behind with nary a fare-thee-well.
Jamie came over to stand beside her, placing his hand on her shoulder consolingly. “With what has happened between our clans, I can't say I blame him, Lizzie. Can you?”
Tears blurred her eyes, and she shook her head. She'd been thunderstruck to learn the truth from Jamie. Patrick's accusations against her cousin and Colin had been horribly accurate. Though Jamie had no idea of their cousin's intentions when he'd negotiated the surrender of Alasdair Mac-Gregor and his men, Archie had played them false and sent them to their deaths. And just as horribly, Colin was indeed responsible for the rape of Patrick's sister.
The thought that her own brother …
She shuddered, utterly repulsed and shamed.
The actions of her kinsmen were appalling. After what they did, how could she blame Patrick for not wanting to tie himself to a Campbell?
“You won't pursue this, will you, Lizzie?” Jamie asked.
Lizzie's heartbeat drummed in her ears. Everything she'd always wanted was slipping through her fingers like rain through a sieve. A husband. A family. A dream lost. For having been in love, she knew marriage without it would be impossible.
She gazed at her brother through watery eyes, knowing what she had to do. Even if they couldn't be together, she couldn't bear the thought of anything happening to him. She would do what she could to keep him safe. “On one condition,” she said thickly.
Jamie eyed her warily. “What's that?”
“He won't just have his freedom for now, I want Archie to see to it that he is pardoned in full.”
Jamie gave her a long look and then nodded.
It was done.
Her chest, her throat, and her eyes burned with the knowledge that it was truly over. With a Campbell and a MacGregor, how could any ending other than heartbreak and disappointment ever be possible?
The pain was unbearable: Tears streamed from her eyes, and her shoulders were racked with heart-wrenching sobs torn from the depths of her soul.
Jamie pulled her from her chair and held her against his chest, stroking her hair. “Come, lass, I'll take you home. You'll see, you'll forget about him in no time.”
That's where Jamie was wrong. Lizzie would never forget about him. She would love Patrick Murray, née MacGregor, for the rest of her life.
Chapter 22
From the window in the small seating area off her bedchamber, Lizzie gazed out at the Kyle below, her eyes scanning the icy gray waters and snow-covered banks, and then, unwittingly, they turned north. Though the hills she'd traversed with Patrick couldn't be seen from Dunoon, she knew they were there.
He was there.
The sharp pang of longing had yet to dull. The tightness squeezed her chest and cut off her breath. She fought back the viselike grip of loneliness and despair.
Unconsciously, she wrapped the plaid she wore around her shoulders a little tighter. It was the same one pulled from Patrick's horse before their flight into the wilderness all those weeks ago. Though winter had set in all around the Highlands, it was not the cold she sought to ward off. Somehow, the raggedy plaid made her feel closer to him.
She lowered her head to her shoulder and nuzzled the scratchy wool against the side of her cheek. Every now and then, she would catch the faintest scent of pine and spice lingering in the rough woolen threads. She inhaled deeply and sighed with disappointment. Not today.
The memories were painful, but she held on to them because they were all she had.
A whisper of a smile lifted the corners of her mouth. Her hands dropped to her belly. Perhaps not all.
Lizzie closed her eyes and prayed that her suspicions were correct. The subtle roundness and the fact that she hadn't bled in weeks gave her every reason to hope.
