Just as suddenly as he’d taken her in his arms, however, he held her away from him, grasping her by the shoulders. “Damn it, Helen, what the hell were you thinking?”
The fierceness of his expression took her aback. She blinked up at him uncertainly. “I saw the gap behind the rocks and thought it would be fun to have you try to find me, like we used—”
He shook her—actuallyshookher. And if eyes could flash, his were a veritable lightning storm. “Damn it, this is not a game. I warned you it could be dangerous.”
Perhaps it hadn’t been her best idea, but neither did she think it warranted this kind of reaction. Conveniently forgetting how scared she’d been, she bristled defensively. “I don’t see the danger in hiding a few feet away from the road—” She stopped when his face started to darken. Something about this wasn’t right. His reaction was too extreme. Helen wasn’t the most perceptive person, but even she could see he was hiding something. “What’s the matter? What are you not telling me? I’ve never seen you so jittery.”
His mouth clamped shut, and he released her.
But she didn’t want him to let her go. She stepped toward him and put her hand on his chest. She could see the tension along the hard line of his jaw, darkened by two days of very attractive stubble. The shadow of his beard only enhanced the rugged masculinity.
She knew him so well, sometimes she forgot how handsome he was. But the boyish good looks of his youth had aged seamlessly into the rough and rugged handsomeness of manhood.
Awareness sharpened the air between them. But he stood perfectly still—unrelenting. She loved him so much, and wanted him so badly. Why did he have to be so stubborn?
“We used to do this all the time and you never seemed to mind.”
His jaw tightened. “It’s not the same, Helen. It can never be the same. Stop pretending that it can.”
His cool rejection stung. She’d thought…
She’d thought the past few weeks had meant something. She’d thought he’d begun to forgive her. But he was the one still living in the past.
She pushed away from him, having reached her breaking point. For weeks she’d been trying to prove her love, prove that she’d changed, but he wasn’t going to let her.
“I’m not the one who is stubbornly holding to the past. Do you intend to punish me forever for the mistakes I made in my youth? I’m sorry for what happened. I’m sorry I didn’t take the five minutes you gave me to decide the rest of my life, cut myself off from my family forever, abandon my home, and run away with you by accepting your offer of marriage. But I’m tired of taking the blame for everything. It wasn’t all my fault. Had you given me a chance to think…” She looked up into his shocked face accusingly. “Had you given me any indication that you felt something for me beyond fondness, five minutes might have been enough.”
“What are you talking about? You knew how I felt.”
“Did I? How could I when you never said anything? You never told me you loved me. Was I to guess your feelings?”
He looked utterly thunderstruck. “How could you not have known? Ikissedyou.”
She made a sharp sound. “You touched your lips to mine and then pulled back so quickly I feared I had the plague.”
Her sarcasm pricked his temper. He stiffened. “I was showing you honor and respect.”
“I didn’t want honor and respect, I wanted passion. I was a young girl dreaming of romance, not a convent. I wanted to think you loved me. But when you didn’t come for me, didn’t give me another chance, I feared I was wrong. I waited for you, Magnus. Every night I looked out my window, peering into the shadows, and wondered if you were there. For months I made up excuses to walk in the forest.” Her heart squeezed, and tears burned behind her eyes. “But you never came. Your pride was stronger than any feelings you had for me.”
Magnus was reeling from her accusations. God, was it possible she hadn’t known how he felt? He thought back on it, looking at what had happened through her eyes, and realized that it wasn’t only possible, it was likely. He’d never said he loved her. Never even told her how much he cared about her. He’d assumed that his actions would be enough. But even these she’d misinterpreted. Not feel passion for her? She had no bloody idea.
He dragged his fingers through his hair. Christ, what a mess! “I’m sorry, I thought you knew how I felt. You weren’t the only one who was young.” He’d hated that her brother—his enemy—had witnessed her refusal. “My pride stopped me from coming back. By the time I realized my mistake it was too late. You were betrothed to my friend—and then you married him.”
“You could have stopped me. But you lied to me. You were too stubborn to admit you still cared for me.”
His mouth tightened, unable to deny the bitterness that still rose inside him. “I never thought you’d go through with it.”
“I was hurt, Magnus—confused. If I wasn’t certain of your feelings before, should I have been certain of them three years later? I tried, but you told me you no longer cared for me. I only knew the truth at the wedding feast when I saw your face. I knew then I’d made a mistake. William realized it, too—”
She started to say something but he cut her off. Gordon was the last thing he wanted to talk about with her. Even the mention of his name served as a brutal reminder. The hopelessness of the situation bored down on him. “It doesn’t matter. We both made mistakes. But I’m not trying to punish you. I don’t blame you for what happened, and haven’t for a long time.”
“Then why are you still doing this? I know you care about me.”
He didn’t bother to deny it. But love wasn’t always enough. “Have you forgotten about your family?”
“Of course not. I told you that I will not let them stand in the way again.” She came closer. “I’ll prove it to you. Just give me the chance.”
Did she know what kind of temptation she presented?Prove it to you. God, she was killing him. He wanted her with every fiber of his being. Wanted to take those sinfully red lips under his and show her all the passion he’d kept in check for far too long.
