“The only way that can happen is with my cousin’s help.”
She didn’t want to hear justification—even if there might be an element of truth. “It’s too soon,” she said stubbornly. His gaze bit into her. “I’m asking you to trust me.”
If only it were so simple. “I do. It’s your cousin I don’t trust. After what he did to you, I can’t believe you would trust him either. Dear God, what if you are wrong?”
“I’m not.”
She heard the unwavering confidence in his voice, but it wasn’t enough. “Well, it’s not a chance I’m willing to take.”
He stared at her with those slate blue eyes, hard and unyielding. “I’m afraid that it’s not your decision to make.”
Jamie knew his words were harsh, but she needed to understand. Caitrina was blind when it came to Argyll—understandable, perhaps, but if she was going to be married to him, she needed to accept his loyalty to his cousin. How could she claim to love and trust him and believe the man he gave his loyalty to a monster? He’d thought she’d started to believe in him.
Her accusation where his brother Duncan was concerned was misplaced, but it pricked nonetheless.
He had to get the hell out of here. No one could penetrate his defenses the way she could. Caitrina had an uncanny ability to make him feel raw, exposed. To make him lose control. She riled his anger with her accusations and persistent lack of faith. What more could he do to prove himself? He’d told her he loved her, yet it had barely seemed to penetrate.
He was confident that he was doing the right thing, though it didn’t make him deaf to her heartfelt pleas. He just didn’t know how else to explain.
“Please,” she said, her eyes soft and beseeching. “If you care for me at all, don’t do this.”
Jamie looked at her, feeling his insides twist. The urge to please her was nearly overwhelming. He ached to take her into his arms and love her until she smiled at him again, until her eyes softened with tenderness.
She leaned closer to him. The innocent brush of her breasts stirred his already burning hunger—his blood fired from their argument and from the fear of almost losing her in the cave. His need for her rushed over him like a firestorm, blasting him with liquid heat. He fought the urge to bring an end to their argument in the most basic way, because he knew it would not be resolved. But damn, he was tempted.
What was she trying to do to him? Was this what being in love was supposed to feel like? Was it supposed to make him feel out of control? Was it supposed to rip him apart, pulling him in two opposite directions? Was it supposed to make him want to tear his hair out in frustration? If it was, he didn’t need it.
“Care for you? Haven’t you been listening to anything I said? I love you. Do you think I want to hurt you?”
Her eyes were bright with unshed tears. “I don’t think you care who you hurt. Maybe they are right what they say about you, that you are a ruthless henchman without a heart.”
Her barb had struck flesh. He snapped. His carefully tethered anger whipped around like a banner in a storm. He pulled her to him, not quite sure what he meant to do. “After all these months . . . is that what you really think?”
She seemed to realize that she’d gone too far. “I don’t want to, but what else should I think when you won’t listen to reason?”
“I am listening, but my duties and responsibilities cannot be ignored.”
“What about your duty and responsibility to me? Do I not matter?”
Everything was still so damn simple with her—it had been that way from the first. She never probed below the surface. “Of course you do.” He released her and took a step back. This was getting nowhere. He wondered whether they would ever be able to breach the barrier between them. He wanted to think that love would be enough but had begun to fear that it wasn’t. “You said you didn’t want me to treat you like a child, Caitrina. You wanted to see the real world in all its vivid complexity, where decisions aren’t always so clear-cut and where loyalty can be divided. Well, this is it. I know you don’t understand right now, but I’m doing this for you.”
She shook her head, her chin quivering. “For me? You’re wrong if you are trying to convince yourself that you are doing this for anything other than yourself and your precious duty to your cousin. No wonder you have been so alone. Nothing can come between you. I’ll never understand how you can do this and claim to love me.”
He clenched his jaw, fighting to stay calm, but it was a lost battle. “One has nothing to do with the other.”
“Of course it does. You are choosing your duty to your cousin above your love for me.”
“Dear God, what do you want from me?” he asked roughly.
“All of you.” Her eyes locked on his. “What if I asked you to choose between us? Would you choose me, Jamie?”
He gave her a long, penetrating stare, furious with her game. “Aren’t you choosing your outlaw brother above me? What if I gave you the same choice: your brother or me?”
As he’d expected, his ultimatum was met with silence. It was an impossible choice for either of them. Life—and love—was not that simple.
And if she couldn’t understand that, to hell with it. He’d hoped that it wouldn’t come to this. That she would not ask something of him that he could not give her. That she would love him enough to trust him to do what was right for her brothers. He was done asking for her to believe in him, and he wasn’t sure where that left them.
He felt stretched as taut as a bowstring, ready to fire. Not trusting himself to stay another minute longer, he said, “It seems, then, my lady wife, we are at an impasse.” After giving her one long glance, he turned on his heel and headed for the door.
