“How can you do this?” she cried. “I thought we had an understanding.” Emotion balled hot and prickly in her throat. “We made love.” She looked into his eyes but saw only the steely curtain of duty. “You said you loved me.”
He held her gaze. “I thought we had an understanding as well. It seems we both were in error. You confused my love for you with bending me to your will, and I confused your method of persuasion with true emotion.”
It took her a moment to realize what he meant. Her eyes widened with shock. “You’re wrong.” She hadn’t planned it like that. She hadn’t seduced him to try to persuade him. “I wouldn’t do that.” But even as she vehemently denied the accusation, she wondered if perhaps there was an element of truth to it. She’d been desperate, searching for any straw to hold on to. Had she unconsciously relied upon his desire for her?No.
“Wouldn’t you?” He stared at her a moment longer. “It doesn’t matter. As you see, it didn’t work.”
She looked out past the gate at the trail of men and horses, a cloud of mud and leaves splattering behind them as they galloped toward the sea. Her gaze flickered back to Jamie, seeing the resolve and determination etched firmly on his face. Immovable.
Her worst fears had come true. Her carefully rebuilt happiness was crashing down around her. And now she might lose her brother all over again.
She’d trusted him, and he’d failed her.
Rage born of helplessness took hold. She couldn’t think. All she wanted to do was stop it from happening. “I’ll never forgive you for this,” she vowed, her voice reverberating with emotion. There was only one thing left—one more gauntlet to throw down between them. “If you leave now, if you take my brother from here, I never want to see you again.”
Almost before the words were out, she wanted them back.
The raw emotion in his eyes burned a hole in her heart as her reckless ultimatum hung in the air between them. She wanted to think he wouldn’t be able to do it.
But in her heart she knew he would. He’d warned her not to try to come between him and his duty again, but she’d done just that.
His eyes locked on hers, not letting go, but she didn’t take it back. Finally, he bowed his head. “As you wish.” And without another word, he pulled his destrier around and galloped out the gate. Never once looking back.
Maybe that hurt the most. That after what they’d
shared, he could just cut her off without a moment’s hesitation or remorse when her world had just been destroyed.
He wouldn’t be coming back. To save her brothers, she’d gambled with her heart and lost.
There was nothing she could do. It was too late. Niall was gone. As was the only man she would ever love.
Desolation cut through her like a dull knife, the anguish unbearable. Her heart felt as though it were being ripped in two. She wanted to pour out her grief in a torrent of cries, but she was beyond the relief of tears. Dry-eyed, she watched him ride away, watched as his proud, strong back faded into the distance.
Gone.
A dry sob caught in her throat. Not again. She could not bear it. Never had she thought to feel this kind of pain again. Never had she thought to feel so alone.
Love had failed her.
She sank to her knees in the mud and dirt and bowed her head. Then an uncomfortable twinge penetrated her grief. Or had she failed love?
Jamie forced his gaze straight ahead as he rode away from Rothesay, knowing it would be some time before he returned.
It had taken every ounce of his strength to ride away, and he didn’t know when he dared attempt to see his wife again. Being near her would be impossible; the pull was too strong. It would be easier to sever all connection.
As if cutting out his heart were easy. There was a hollow emptiness in his chest that ached more than any wound he’d ever suffered in battle.
He squared his jaw, hardening himself against the raw surge of pain and loss.
It seemed ironic, indeed, that a man who was virtually invincible on the battlefield had been felled by something as ordinary as emotion. He should have avoided the entanglement altogether, just as he’d done with his friendships. A man in his position was better off alone. He’d taken a chance with Caitrina, hoping it would be different, but it had been a mistake.
Disappointment ate like acid in his stomach. He’d wanted so much to believe that they could come to an understanding, but he’d mistaken sex for trust and love. It might not have been done consciously as he’d first thought—the shock on her face had seemed real enough—but clearly she’d not made love to him as a show of trust, as he’d assumed.
Apparently, she’d made some assumptions as well. It had taken her ultimatum for him to finally realize that no matter how hard he tried, he would never convince her to believe in him fully. He’d hoped that once she grew to know him . . .
No.Her family and his being a Campbell would always be between them. She would never see past the name and reputation to the man. He was better off alone. He should have stayed that way.
Love, it seemed, was not enough.
