Nay. She couldn't think about it. Arthur would come back. They would all come back.
But the uncertainty. The capriciousness of war was exactly what she'd sought to avoid. Why did she have to fall in love with a knight?
The men conversed for a while longer. She'd lost sight of Arthur and his brothers when they'd moved to the Hall, but when the talk turned to a scouting mission she saw him ease forward toward the dais, where her father was seated at a trestle table with some of his men and the MacNab captain.
Her heart froze, guessing what he was about to do. She wanted to call him back, to tell him not to do it, but she knew she could not. It was what he did.
"I'll go, my lord," Arthur said.
Her father looked at him and nodded, obviously pleased that he'd volunteered. Alan offered to go as well, but her father refused, saying he needed him at the castle. Eventually, it was decided that her brother Ewen would lead the small scouting party, which also included Arthur's brothers.
The men wasted no time. Less than an hour later, the team had gathered in thebarmkinto leave. Anna stood silently beside her mother, feeling as if she were spinning in a whirlpool with nothing to hold on to.
She watched Arthur ready to leave with her heart in her throat. He finished securing his belongings to his horse, took the reins in his hand, and positioned himself as if preparing to mount.
Her heart lurched. Did he mean to ride out without saying goodbye?
If he did, he changed his mind. After handing the reins to one of the stable lads, he turned and strode toward her.
His jaw was squared as hard as his shoulders, as if he expected to confront something unpleasant.
Me, she realized, feeling a sharp stab in her chest.
"Lady Anna," he said with a curt bow.
Her mother and sisters had not so subtly turned their backs, shielding them somewhat from the rest of the crowd to afford them some semblance of privacy. But she was still deeply conscious that they were not alone.
"You must go?" She hated herself for asking but couldn't help it. She knew it was his job, but she didn't want him to leave. Was this how it would always be?
"Aye."
There was a long pause. It sounded so final. "How long will you be gone?"
Something flickered in his eyes, but it was gone before she could put a name to it.
"It depends on how fast the army is marching. A few days, maybe more."
She stared at his handsome face, trying to memorize the hard lines of his features, the scars, the strange golden amber of his eyes.
"You will be careful?" It was a silly thing to say, but she had to say it all the same.
A smile hovered at the corner of his mouth. "Aye."
He held her gaze for a moment longer, as if he, too, were trying to put it to memory. There was a bleakness to his expression that she'd never seen before.
A shiver of trepidation blew across the back of her neck.It's just the war, she told herself.He's focused on the battle ahead.
He took her hand and raised it to his mouth, the warm imprint of his lips radiating over her skin. "Goodbye, Lady Anna."
Something in his tone made her heart clench. He turned to go, and she wanted desperately to call him back.
The type of man who was always looking at the door ...
Nay. She told herself she was being silly. He wasn't leaving her. It was only for a few days.
But why did it seem like goodbye?
Then, as if he couldn't stop himself, he spun back around, cupped her chin in his hand, and lowered his mouth to hers.
