Until now.
That it was from the person she loved the most in the world made it all the more painful.
Niall was every inch the untamed Highland warrior and might not have any more courtly graces than she did, but his father, the Lamont of Ascog, was a powerful chief. Annie was…
For one horrible moment she saw herself as he must see her, and she wanted to crawl into a hole and die of shame.
But only for a moment.
She stepped back. Her gaze hardening. Pride, the one thing no one could take from her, wrapping around her heart like an iron shield. “I do see now,” she said, her voice as icy as the winter winds on the top of Ben Nevis. She looked him straight in the eye. “You don’t think I’m good enough for you.”
He winced, a pained expression on his face like a man who’d been forced to swallow something that tasted rotten. “Jesus, Annie, it’s not like that.”
Her spine stiffened even more, her chin lifting even higher. “It’s not? Of course it is. At least be man enough to admit it.”
He frowned. No man—especially a young Highland warrior—appreciated a slur on his manhood. But manhood was far more than prowess on the battlefield—or prowess between the bedsheets. It was taking responsibility for your actions even when you might not want to. It was about standing up for what was right even when that might not be easy. It was admitting what you were doing, no matter how unpleasant or harsh.
How many times had her brother tried to warn her that the seemingly wild rogue was an ambitious man? And how many times had she refused to hear him? Refused to consider that Niall would see her as anything other than a prize no matter what the size of her tocher.
Annie had expected too much from Niall Lamont. She could see that now. She’d expected him to see beyond the difficulty, beyond the size of her purse, beyond the king’s persecution. She’d expected him to see that no matter how low the MacGregors had been brought by circumstances, she was still a woman he should be proud to take as his wife. She’d expected him to put his heart above his duty and ambition. But most of all, she’d expected him to love her as much as she loved him.
Maybe it had been unrealistic, but it didn’t stop her from hating him for making her feel this way.
“Damn it, don’t be like this,” he said with a pleading note she’d never heard in his voice before. “You know how I feel about you.”
She shook her head and looked him straight in the eye. “No. No, I don’t think I do. I believe I was quite mistaken.”
She wasn’t making it easy on him, and her cold stoicism in the face of his distress was clearly making him angry. “I’m not ready to get married.”
“That is obvious.”
His eyes narrowed, hearing the slur. “Don’t you see? I have a responsibility! A duty! Even if I wanted to marry you, my father would never allow it.”
“Even if I wanted…”Despite the steel around her heart, that unthinking dart still penetrated.
She should just walk away. But she couldn’t stop herself from asking, “And what about that kiss? Did that mean nothing to you?”
Another wince and another uncomfortable drag of his hand through his hair. “Christ, Annie. What do you want me to say? It was just a kiss.”
She held his gaze for a moment, silently challenging that assessment. But he was the one with experience. He was the one who would know.
Still, somehow, she knew he was lying. “So, it was nothing special? It meant nothing to you?”
His mouth clamped in an angry line. “What the hell do you want me to say?”
I love you, and there is no woman I would be prouder to have by my side as my wife. Will you make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?
The words she’d hoped to hear taunted her with her own stupidity. Her own simplicity.
She looked at him. She would not grovel. She would not beg. She would not show him how much he’d hurt her today. How he’d crushed her hopes and dreams for the future with his duty and responsibility. And worse, how he’d made her feel every bit as low as the king and Campbells had tried to bring them.
“I don’t want you to say anything.” She meant it. “Goodbye, Niall.”
And before he could say another word, Annie MacGregor walked away. Her pride intact but everything else shattered.
CHAPTER ONE
EdinampleCastle, Loch Earn, August 1609
