He gave her a hard, unyielding stare of challenge—laden with a heavy dose of disappointment. “Does your brother? Did your father? Do any of the men you know who profess to love their wives have mistresses?”
She looked down, properly shamed. Patrick would die before hurting Lizzie like that, and from everything she knew about her father, he’d adored her mother. “I don’t know. I guess not.”
“I would never dishonor you like that, and as I’ve been living ‘like a monk’ for well over a year now, I guess you could say I’m used to it.”
It took her a moment to process what he’d said. She looked back up to meet his gaze. She couldn’t hide her incredulity. “You have?”
He nodded. “You are the only woman I want in my bed, Annie. And if you do not wish to be there, no one else will take your place.”
She didn’t know what to say—or how to say it. “But…”
When she didn’t finish, he prodded, “But what?”
Her cheeks were burning. This wasn’t exactly a topic she was used to discussing. “But what about your needs?”
She thought his mouth twitched with amusement, but his voice was deadly serious. “There are other ways of satisfying my ‘needs.’”
She wouldn’t ask. Even though she wanted to. She really wanted to. “But men have urges that they can’t control.”
He frowned. “Who told you that nonsense?”
She chewed on her lip uncomfortably. “I don’t know. I’ve just heard… Everyone knows that.”
“What you’ve heard is wrong. Dead wrong. I assure you any urges I have can be controlled. I wanted you more than any woman I’ve ever wanted in my life, and I resisted your many very blatant and sometimes overt invitations for two years, didn’t I?” She scanned his face intently, clearly wanting to believe him. He reached down to gently cup her chin in his hand. “Not all men are lust-raged rapists, Annie. What those men did to you is not normal. No matter how much I wanted you, no matter how enflamed my body, I would always stop if you wanted me to. Always.”
“Even when… even in the midst…”
“Always,” he said in a voice that brokered no room for doubt.
He sounded as if he believed what he said. But did she? She didn’t know. There was one way to find out, but she wasn’t sure she was ready for that.
Although the thought of it didn’t frighten her as much as she expected. Actually, it didn’t frighten her at all. What would it have been like if the first time she’d experienced the act it had been in love and not violence? Would it have felt so repugnant? So disgusting? So awful?
That was one more thing those men had taken from her. Not her maidenhead, but the chance to have her first time be with someone she loved. Someone whose touch she’d once craved.
He seemed to read her mind. His thumb stroked the skin of her jaw with as much tenderness as was in his voice. His hand was warm, and it seemed to flow through her. Not in the frantic way it used to before, but in a slower, deeper, more powerful way.
“When you are ready—if you are ready—I will prove it to you.”
This time curiosity got the better of her and she asked, “How?”
His mouth curved enigmatically. “There are ways that you can be in control.”
Her in control? How? Now it wasn’t just her curiosity, but her mind was racing in all kinds of directions.
Probably knowing exactly how much he’d roused her curiosity, he turned the conversation before she could ask specifics. “We should get started if you want to practice today. I agreed to ride out with your brother later this morning.”
Annie frowned. “Is something wrong?”
Niall shook his head. “He asked for my advice on some land he is thinking about purchasing from the Laird of Ardvorlich for grazing sheep.”
It was strange to think of it now as so much had changed, but at one time Niall had been the quintessential Highland laird, focused on increasing the profitability of his father’s lands in Cowal and Bute through farming and grazing. Malcolm might have been the designated chief and the man who would lead the clan into battle, but it was Niall’s ambition and financial acumen that would have taken the clan into the future. That same ambition was what had made him think he couldn’t marry her.
What would he do now that that the role of a laird had been blocked to him?
Before she could ask, he slipped something out of his belt and put it behind his back. “I have something for you, but before we continue, I want you to agree to something.”
She knew him too well, which meant she knew when he was up to no good. She eyed him suspiciously. “What?”
