“Did something happen with Niall? I know you’ve been training with him for the past week.”
Six days—not that she was counting. Tomorrow would be day number seven. The week was over, and she could tell him to leave. Which was exactly what she should do despite how much she liked training with him. Not just training. She liked being with him again. She’d forgotten how much.
Before he came, everything had been fine. She’d known her mind. But he was confusing her.
“He kissed me,” she blurted, embarrassed.
Alys held her gaze, obviously trying to gauge Annie’s feelings on the matter. “And you didn’t want him to kiss you?”
Annie shook her head furiously.
“Did it frighten you?”
She thought for a minute. Surprisingly, it hadn’t. “No.”
“Then you did not like it?”
Annie frowned and bit her lip. She had thought that she wouldn’t. Which wasn’t actually the same as not liking it. “It was… nice.”
Until he’d tried to deepen the kiss and she’d frozen.
Alys gave her a wry smile. “Then I don’t understand the problem?”
“It wasn’t the same.” Alys frowned, and Annie tried to explain. “The first time we kissed a couple of years ago, I felt such…” She struggled to say the embarrassing word.
“Passion?” Alys filled in.
Annie nodded again, grateful that she’d come up with a better word than lust. But lust was exactly how she used to feel. As shameful as it was to admit. Ladies weren’t supposed to feel things like that. At least that’s what the church said. But herpassionhad never felt like a sin with Niall.
It had felt like heaven. A very hot heaven.
“I would say that was normal after what you went through. You just need to give yourself some time. Those feelings will come back.”
Annie’s distress returned. “You don’t understand. With Niall… it never used to be like that. I used to look at him and practically want to tear his clothes off. Now the idea of it repulses me.” She knew what lay underneath those clothes, and what had hurt her. “What if I can never be normal again?” she finished in a whisper.
The older woman reached down and took Annie’s chin, tilting her face back to hers. “You will feel that way again,” she said firmly. “With the man you love. Trust me, I know. I felt the same way as you, although I was not a maid and already knew the pleasures of the marriage bed. The first few times after…” She shuddered. “I thought Donnan would find out. He knew something was wrong. I could not respond in the way I had before. But he loved me and was patient with what he thought was a sudden onslaught of maidenly modesty.” She shook her head, her eyes filling with the memory. “Do you know that fool man thought it was something he’d done? It broke my heart to see him so upset. I think that forced me out of my cocoon. I couldn’t stand to see him take the blame for something that he hadn’t done. If your Niall loves you as much as I think he does, he will grant you that same patience and understanding.” She paused for a moment, looking deeper into Annie’s thoughts than she wanted her to. “That isifyou still love him?”
Annie wanted to look away. Wanted to hide her feelings from even herself. But the squeezing in her chest didn’t lie. “I don’t know. I shouldn’t.”
And despite Alys’s certainty, Annie wasn’t sure she would ever feel the same way again. Would that be fair to Niall? A wife who couldn’t bear his touch?
She had much to think on. She thanked Alys and stood to return to her room. But before she closed the door behind her, she turned. “I do think you are wrong about one thing.”
“What’s that?” Alys said.
“I understand why you didn’t say anything at the time, but I don’t think your husband would have loved you any less had you told him what happened. Not if he loved you then half as much as he does today.”
CHAPTER SIX
Niall was more relieved than he wanted to admit when he saw Annie heading toward him the next morning wearing her training clothes. He was keenly aware of what day it was and wasn’t sure after what had happened yesterday whether she would just send him on his way. Well, if she was planning to, at least he had until after practice to change her mind.
He also had a secret weapon if necessary—literally.
She greeted him with a nod. “You are here early. I’d hoped to get some target practice in first.”
Niall didn’t comment. Tossing a knife at some straw with painted targets might not be practical in an attack, but it was a fun pastime among warriors.
The thought took him aback. Was that what she was? A warrior? He would have laughed at the notion a few weeks ago. But now the idea didn’t seem so far-fetched. The lass had some skill and as much determination as any of the young warriors he’d trained. Maybe more.
