Thatsent her flying right over the edge. For someone who was reportedly so good with women, he didn’t have a clue with her. You don’t tell a nearly hysterical woman to calm down and not to overreact!
He’d climbed out of bed to face her, and when he tried to move toward her, she pushed him away. “Don’t you dare tell me how to feel or how to react. Just becauseyoudon’t feel anything or act as if nothing bothers you doesn’t mean that’s normal. News flash, John. It’s actuallynormalto have feelings. And it’s even normal to show them sometimes. Like when your mom dies, when you lose your best friend, or when you care about someone.”
He went utterly stone-faced—full icy Viking. “I don’t know what you are talking about. I have feelings.”
“Do you? You could have fooled me. How could you leave like that and do what you did? God, I...” Her eyes were burning too hard to fight it anymore. The blasted tears started to fall. “I am not going to let you do this to me again. You need to get out of here.” And just in case he hadn’t understood, she put both her hands on his ridiculously perfect chest and gave him a push. “Now.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” he said, circling her wrists with his hands. Her push hadn’t budged him an inch. Stupid muscles! “We’re going to talk about why you are so upset.”
The fact that he sounded so calm only served to lightanother fuse to a fire that didn’t need stoking. “Why I’m so upset? Jeez, I don’t know, John. Do you think it might have something to do with the fact that we’ve been spending time together like two people who care about each other, but as soon as I start to get too close, you run out of here like a scared rabbit and find someone else to have sex with so you can prove to me how much you don’t care about me? Well, you know what? I got the message last time.” She might have shoved him in the chest again. She was crying too hard to know. “You don’t care about me. Got it.”
She was clearly past the “nearly” and on her way to full-fledged hysterical. And what was his response?
“Ah, hell.”
He tried to pull her into his arms, but she fought against it. “Don’t touch me. God, just leave me alone!”
She was seriously losing it now.
Despite her best efforts, his arms were around her and her damp cheek was pressed against his bare and very warm and cozy chest as he stroked her hair. “I didn’t sleep with anyone tonight.”
It took a few moments for his words to penetrate her emotions. When they finally did, she seemed to freeze mid-choking sob. She looked up at him, trying to read his expression in the semidarkness of the room. “You didn’t?”
He shook his head. “I wanted to, but...”
Her heart, which had lifted for a second, sank. For a minute she’d thought... Her gaze dropped. “No suitable victims, huh?”
“No. It wasn’t that.”
Of course it wasn’t that. She looked back up again. “Then why?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I just couldn’t. I didn’t want to.”
“Why not?”
“God, I don’t know,” he said, using his thumb to sweep tears from her cheeks. “It just didn’t feel right. Can we leave it at that for now?”
He sounded so uncomfortable she took momentary pity on him. “But you wanted me to think that you had.”
It wasn’t a question, but his shrug seemed to be an affirmation.
“Why?” she asked.
“I guess I didn’t like what you were saying.”
“About the drinking and nightmares?”
He paused and then nodded. He took what seemed a very long and deep breath. “Maybe everything isn’t as great as it seems.”
Knowing what those words must have cost him, Brittany felt something inside her chest break. But it was a different kind of heart breaking—more an opening. It was a feeling that might make her terrified if her concern weren’t directed on him. “Why would it be great? You just lost your best friend, and I’m assuming other men you were close to as well.”
“It’s part of the job. Shit happens. Lots of shit. You have to be able to move on.”
“Of course you do, and I get that. But moving on doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to mourn a little or be sad. You can’t bury your feelings and pretend they aren’t there.”
One corner of his mouth lifted. “Who says?”
She smiled back at him. “Me.” She paused, sobering. “Do you want to talk about it?”
