“Me, try to get inside the great John Donovan’s head? I wouldn’t dream of it.”
He didn’t like her sarcasm, but he also knew he’d better put a stop to this before they both said something they would regret.
He sat on the couch, trying to calm down. It had been a shit night. He’d been so certain the apartment and attack in Norway were related. But now they were back to square one, and he was still... lost.
But he might not be for much longer if he didn’t convince her to put her story aside.
“Look, Brit. I know you think you have a duty, but what about your duty not to inflame an already precarious situation? The US and Russia are teetering on the edge of war. Do you really want to be the one to push us into it? I’ve been there once. I don’t have any interest in going back anytime soon.” He looked over to where she stood by the kitchen table and met her gaze squarely. “I’m not asking you to put it aside forever. I’m just asking you to be patient for a little longer.” He paused. “For me.”
•••
Brittany couldn’t believe he was doing this. He was trying to manipulate her. If not with guilt for inciting a war, then with her feelings for him.
“You don’t have any idea what you are asking.”
“I know exactly what I’m asking.”
“You want me to bury another government cover-up and let my brother’s death be swept aside just as my parents’ were.”Because you know how much I care about you.“You want me to ignore my job and the story of a lifetime. Yes, a story that could give me my career back. I’m a journalist, John—as much as you are a SEAL. Searching for the truth, uncovering secrets, holding the government accountable... this is exactly the kind of story that I went into this business to write. It’s what I’ve devoted my life to.”
“Too much of your life, from what I can see.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Look at this place. There’s hardly anything personal around. And didn’t you say something about a pet?”
She flushed. Even if that were true, he had no right to comment. “You are one to talk. You’ve devoted your life to being a SEAL just as much as I’ve devoted my life to my job. What if I asked you to put it all aside for me?”
“This is different. My job isn’t going to get you killed.”
“But your job could getyoukilled.” He didn’t bite, but she could tell he didn’t appreciate her flip response. “No one is looking for you right now, John. No one knows you are alive. My articles haven’t changed that. You are asking me to put aside everything I’ve believed in and forgo justice for yet another family member’s death.” She paused. “What you are asking isn’t fair. If you cared about me, if you loved me as I love you, you would understand that and would never ask this.”
I love you.She hadn’t meant to say it; it just sort of slipped out. So much for not rushing things. But for her it wasn’t rushed at all. It was the realization of what had been growing between them five years ago and had reached full maturation over the past ten days that they’d been together.
But it didn’t take her long to regret the words. His reaction was every bit as horrible as she might have imagined. Instant discomfort. Avoiding her gaze. Something like panic in his. And mentally racing for the door. All that was missing was a cold sweat.
It was just like last time. She might have been standing in that second-floor bedroom of the beach house he shared with her brother, having her heart ripped to shreds all over again. But this time was worse. This time she’d thought...
No. She stopped herself. She hadn’t been all wrong. He did care about her.
Just not enough.
But it turned out that being partially right didn’t stop her chest from feeling as if an elephant had just stomped on it.
She couldn’t stand the silence, so she rushed to cover it. “But I guess that’s hypothetical, right?” She tried to smile, but it came out wobbly. “That was rhetorical. I don’t expect you to say anything. You didn’t do anything wrong. You never made me any promises. I get it. You don’t need to go find a set of twins again to prove it to me.”
The joke fell flat. But he finally seemed to come out of his daze. He stood and reached for her, snagging her arm before she could spin away. “Look. I care about you. I don’t want to hurt you.”
Then don’t.
But if he heard her silent plea, he didn’t answer it.
To hell with playing it safe. She couldn’t take the words back. She might as well deal with them. “What are we doing here, John?”
“I’m trying to keep you safe.”
She’d always thought the dagger-through-the-heart thing was just a romantic metaphor. Too flowery. Way too silly for a serious writer like herself. But she felt it now. Digging sharp and deep. Words could cut.
That was what this was about to him. Keeping her safe. And, apparently, keeping her quiet. She’d been building a relationship, while he’d been fulfilling some kind of duty.
