Douglas swore. “Fuck, Thom, I’m—”
But his apology—if that’s what he intended—was lost when Thom walked away.
For good.
11
YOU’LL MAKE YOURSELFsick if you don’t eat,” Joanna said. A small smiled turned her lips, and she placed her hand on her stomach. “And take it from someone who has had her head in a basin for the past couple of weeks—there are far more pleasant ways to spend your day.”
Elizabeth’s eyes widened. “Oh, Jo, a new babe? I’m so happy for you!”
She was thrilled to hear her suspicion confirmed, although beneath her smile of joy was a fresh wave of stomach-churning, chest-twisting horror.
Pregnant. Dear God. In the long list of horrible consequences that had paraded up and down her mind (relentlessly) over the past two and a half days, she hadn’t considered a child. In addition to ruin, disgrace, and the loss of her virtue—which she’d so narrowly avoided—she might have been left with a far more lasting reminder of her temporary loss of sanity. For that was the only thing that could explain her utterly irrational, illogical, foolish behavior.
Still, she felt a sharp stab in her chest as the image of a tiny, pink-cheeked cherub with piercing blue eyes and almost-black hair flashed before her.
If she didn’t know better, she would say it was longing. Which was silly. She wanted children, of course. They were her duty. But unlike Joanna, she hadn’t been counting down the days from the time she turned sixteen until she could be a mother.
Joanna had always been the type of girl who had to hold every baby in the room. She loved nothing more than being at home surrounded by her family.
Elizabeth had never been like that. She liked children (some better than others), but she didn’t need to hold every one. She’d never seen herself in a big Hall surrounded by nothing but her children. She saw herself at court surrounded by excitement, entertainment, and lively conversation.
But...
Butnothing, she told herself firmly. Nothing had changed because of that ill-advised kiss. Except that she’d learned a powerful lesson in tempting sin.
She should have listened to Father Francis! From the time she was a little girl, it had been drummed into her head to hold fast to her virtue. To be chaste until her marriage. To not let the Devil tempt her into immorality and wantonness.
She’d thought a kiss was nothing. Because the two kisses she’d experienced beforehadbeen nothing. She hadn’t anticipated how persuasive the Devil could be—or rather, how skilled he could be with his tongue!
Good Lord, when she thought about it, her knees still felt weak.
Thom’s kiss was nothing like the two that had come before. It hadn’t been simple and chaste, it had been carnal, and sensual, and overwhelming. It was a side of him that she’d never seen before. A bold, authoritative, and aggressively masculine side of him. A dominating side of him.
It had aroused feelings—sensations—in her that she’d never imagined let alone experienced before. Most of all it had made her feel good.Toogood. As in “I’ve lost my mind good.” As in “here is my innocence for your taking” good.
She still couldn’t believe how quickly a kiss had spun out of control. How one minute she’d been thinking how warm and soft his mouth was, and how good he tasted, and the next she’d been sprawled on a table, half-naked, with his mouth on her breast, his hand between her legs, and practically begging for him to take her virtue.
She was glad he refused—of course she was. She just wished he hadn’t done it so harshly, when she’d been feeling so dazed and happy. If he’d thought her an untouchable “princess” before (where he got that ridiculous notion, she didn’t know), it was clear he no longer thought of her that way. She’d never realized how much he’d been keeping from her, and how much he’d been holding back. All that passion...
Sensing her sister-in-law’s eyes on her, Elizabeth forced herself to take a big spoonful of the beef pottage they were enjoying for the midday meal. She chewed slowly, making sure Joanna saw, and then asked, “Does Jamie know about the baby?”
Joanna shook her head. “I wasn’t sure when he left, and I didn’t want him distracted by anything.”
Elizabeth understood. Jamie had been unbearable with worry when Joanna was pregnant with Uilleam, as Joanna had suffered a previous miscarriage. Not that it had made her brother’s over-protectiveness any easier to bear.
Her cousin, who was seated on Joanna’s other side, interjected. “Perhaps your happy news will soften the blow of our ‘surprise’?”
The three women looked at each other and broke out into laughter. They all knew that Jamie was going to roar like an angry lion when he heard that his wife—hispregnantwife, no less—and “dear” cousin had ridden “halfway across Scotland” without an army for protection.
Jo and Izzie had arrived yesterday, much to Elizabeth’s relief. She’d been climbing the walls (what was left of them), waiting for Jamie and Thom to return with Archie. Her fear for her brother mingled with fear for Thom. It was only after Thom left that she fully considered the danger he would be facing. He wasn’t Jamie. He wasn’t used to fighting scores of Englishmen or performing death-defying feats of bravery at every turn. He’d only handled a sword to forge one until a few years ago.
What if she’d sent him to his death with that kiss?
If anything happened to him...
Her heart twisted, and the smile fell from her face. She would never forgive herself.
