“If I hated you?”
He stared at her, unblinking.
Dear God!The color washed from her face; that was exactly what he thought. He would have just handed her over to another man and not looked back. Her heart shattered like glass thrown upon the floor. He might as well have done exactly that to it.
Suddenly another truth hit her. Another betrayal. “This is not a temporary stay in Scotland. The king has no intention of letting me return to Roxburgh, does he?”
He didn’t shirk from the cold accusation in her gaze. “He does not.”
“But you let me think I might persuade him. Youknewhow important this was to me, and still let me believe I would be returning!”
She saw him flinch, but his guilt wasn’t good enough.
He shrugged his shoulders. His naked shoulders that even now taunted her with memories. She could see the tiny imprints of her nails. Proof of her stupidity.
“It seemed easier at the time. I thought you might refuse to go, and I didn’t want to have to go chasing after you again. What you were doing was dangerous—”
“And, of course, it couldn’t be as important as whatyouare doing.”
She thought he couldn’t hurt her any more than he had by lying to her. She was wrong.He never believed in me at all.
She might have tried to understand his attempt to avoid conflict, but not the lack of regard for her. He’d known how much what she was doing meant to her, and in humoring her, in letting her believe her mission was only being delayed, he’d shown just how little he valued her. How little he thought of her. He would never give her what she wanted from a husband.
She stood to leave, but he caught her arm, stopping her. “Just because you can talk your way out of a situation doesn’t mean you should. You are overconfident to the point of recklessness. With what happened with the priest in Roxburgh…It was only a matter of time before you were discovered. I’m not going to apologize for not wanting to see you in danger.”
“How about for lying to me?”And making me love you?
His eyes softened. But she felt strangely indifferent to it. An hour ago, she might have seen it as a sign of feeling. Now, she knew better. “I’m deeply sorry for that. I was just trying to do my job.”
A sharp scoffing sound erupted from her tightly wound chest. “And the mission always comes first, isn’t that right?” He didn’t say anything. She looked at his handsome face, seeing the silent plea for understanding. Part of her wanted to give it to him. Part of her wanted to think there was still some way this wouldn’t end up so horribly. “And what now, Ewen? What happens to your mission now?”
Surely she couldn’t have been so wrong. He didn’t deserve a choice, but she was going to give him one.
Ewen had bungled this badly. Which was exactly the reason he’d wanted to avoid it. He couldn’t stand the way she was looking at him. Seeing the shattered trust in her eyes. The betrayal. The broken heart.
It tore at him.
He didn’t want to lose her. But what the hell could he do? He would try his damnedest to make it right, to salvage what he could of his honor and his place in Bruce’s army, but he held no illusions.
“I will explain everything to Bruce when we return. If he agrees, we will be married as soon as the banns are read.”
She stared at him, forcing his gaze to meet hers. “You don’t really think you can get him to agree?”
He didn’t think there was a chance in hell. His jaw clenched. “I thought you were confident you could persuade him?”
“That was before I was apprised of the betrothal. Robert will not ‘reward’ you for interfering with his plans.”
“I will tell him there is no other choice. It is too late.” He’d taken her innocence, damn it.
“Then you should prepare to defend yourself with your sword, because he will want to kill you. Robert will not look kindly on your cheapening the worth of his prize.”
“Do not speak of it like that,” he snapped angrily. “That is not how I feel.”
“Howdoyou feel, Ewen?”
Like he was trying to find traction on a hill of ice? Confused? Torn? Like a man who’d just lost everything and failed an entire clan? “How can you ask after what just happened? Surely you must realize how much you mean to me?”
He could tell by the flash of disappointment that crossed her face that it was not the declaration she wanted to hear. But it must have been enough. She put her hand on his arm, turning those big sea-green eyes to his imploringly. “Then run away with me. We will find a priest somewhere to marry us. You know it is the only way. Robert will never grant us permission to marry.”
