But the purchase of the beautiful bracelet had been just as much for Izzie as it had been for the crowd. He was making a statement—which wasn’t necessary. She’d heard him well enough the first time.
Stupid, stupid, stupid! Her anger wasn’t just for him; it was directed at herself as well. She knew better, and still she’d let herself think that the passion between them meant something. It meant something all right. It meant that she was a naive fool, and if he hadn’t put a stop to it, she would have been a naiveruinedfool. She supposed she had to thank him for that at least. It hadn’t been a complete seduction.
But it had been enough. The way he’d touched her, the way he’d made her feel, the way he’d looked into her eyes…
She cursed and forced her thoughts away. She couldn’t think about it. She would never think about it again. She’d seen only what she wanted to see.
“Did you say something, Izzie?” Elizabeth asked.
Izzie bit her lip and winced, realizing that she must have muttered her curse aloud. She and her cousin were returning to the guesthouse after the midday meal. They were both unusually quiet and lost in thought, although Izzie could guess what her cousin was thinking about. She’d seen Elizabeth’s face when Thom MacGowan had left the refectory with the newly arrived Lady Marjorie Rutherford, a widowed baroness who’d made it clear she did not object to the son of a blacksmith turned man-at-arms for a husband. If he’d been a bowl of cream, the young widow would have been lapping him up the entire meal.
If Izzie hadn’t been sure before, watching Elizabeth trying to hide her panic and jealousy during the long meal had made it absolutely clear: her cousin loved Thom MacGowan. Not that it would change anything. The public censure from such an unequal match—even if Randolph weren’t involved—would be horrible. Izzie wasn’t sure she would have the strength to withstand it, and she hadn’t had the difficult past that Elizabeth had.
With Randolph involved, it would be even worse: there would also be a scandal. Setting aside a “prince” for a “peasant”… it would be the talk for years—and not the kind of talk Randolph was eager for. She could just imagine his reaction. She’d see some real emotion from him then. But anger, rage, and humiliation weren’t what she wanted.
She wanted…
Her chest squeezed, and she pushed it away.Stupid.
“Sorry,” Izzie apologized, shaking it off. “I was just talking to myself again.”
“Is something upsetting you, cousin? You’ve been quiet since we returned from the market.” Elizabeth frowned. “Did Randolph say something to irritate you again? I heard him trying to apologize for something before he left. I’d hoped that you would grow to like him better once you got to know him.”
Izzie felt another tug. Mission accomplished. “What’s not to love,” she said with an attempt at lightheartedness, repeating her cousin’s much-loved jest about Randolph. But it didn’t sound very funny to her anymore. “He stepped on my foot,” she added quickly. “And was apologizing for crushing my toes with his boot.”
Toes… heart, what was the difference?
Elizabeth smiled, but Izzie could tell she was still upset.
Joanna was waiting for them when they arrived back at the guesthouse. When she asked Elizabeth if she could take care of an errand for her, from the way her cousin suddenly perked up, Izzie didn’t need to guess who that errand involved.
Elizabeth looked so happy that for one selfish moment, Izzie was tempted to say something about Randolph. Undoubtedly Izzie’s feelings would be the excuse Elizabeth needed to follow her heart. But as Izzie wasn’t even sure that was what she thought her cousin should do, she kept her mouth shut.
But that wasn’t the only reason. Izzie had her pride. She didn’t want to be second choice. If Randolph wanted her—if he did care about her—he would pick her first. It was silly and unrealistic to expect maybe, but she wouldn’t settle for less.
Still, she couldn’t help warning her cousin as she left with Joanna. “Have care, El.” She paused. “Be sure what you want before you do something you can’t take back.”
Izzie didn’t know whether she meant doing something irreversible with Thom (like Izzie had nearly done yesterday with Randolph) or irreversible with Randolph by accepting his proposal. Maybe she meant both.
Elizabeth caught her gaze and didn’t pretend to not understand. She nodded soberly and went after Joanna. It was Joanna who turned just as they were out the door. “Oh Izzie, I forgot to tell you. One of the monks brought a package for you. I had the maid leave it in your room.”
Izzie’s surprise showed. “A package?”
Jo smiled and waggled her brows. “Perhaps you have a secret admirer you haven’t told us about?”
With a wry grin, Izzie shook her head. “I’m afraid nothing so exciting. It’s probably the woolen hose I ordered from the haberdasher.”
They were both wrong.
When Izzie unwrapped the leather bound codex a few minutes later, she thought her heart would squeeze out of her chest, as she ran her fingers slowly—longingly—over the gold embossed letters:Naturalis Historia.
Randolph had found the book for her.
She felt the emotion rising in her chest to her throat and pushed it back. Why was he doing this? Why was he torturing her? Was he trying to make her fall in love with him or hate him? She didn’t want thoughtfulness and kindness—not if he was going to marry her cousin. But how could he give her something like this and claim it didn’t mean anything? Was it some kind of apology? Some kind of gift to allay his guilt?
Neither was acceptable. She wasn’t going to let him off that easily.
But before she could think exactly how to return the book to him—she could hardly go marching into a siege camp… or could she?—a message arrived from St. Mary’s.
