He had to make her understand. “Not yet.” He clasped her hands and pulled her up so that she stood before him. So lovely, so infinitely precious. Tenderly, he stroked the side of her face. “You deserve more than I can offer right now.” His voice was laden with regret.
“How can you say that? I know you care for me. You cannot convince me that you don’t.”
He smiled crookedly, shaking his head at her unwavering determination. “I won’t try. But right now, Meg, it’s not enough. Your coming to Lewis only makes me realize how important it is that I finish what I’ve begun here.”
“Even though you might die? If not at the hands of the Adventurers, then by Dougal?”
“Yes. If need be.”
“But—”
“I promise I’ll not go willingly. But”—he paused—“that is all I can promise right now.”
“But why!” she cried, railing more at the injustice of the world than at him, he suspected. Her eyes sparkled with anger. “Why sacrifice your future for your past? You have nothing to prove to me or anyone else.” She wanted to understand. “Tell me what happened to your cousins.”
“There’s not much to tell. You know most of it.”
“But I want to hear it from you.”
He felt the familiar resistance that occurred whenever this subject was mentioned. “Why?”
“I want to understand.”
“Very well.” He averted his gaze. “I was in charge. We had the advantage of surprise. I lost it.”
“And your cousins?”
“They didn’t have to die. I refused to surrender. My damned youthful pride cost them their lives.” His voice grew tight. “I see that moment in my head over and over. If I could go back and decide differently…”
“Did you know what Dougal had planned?”
“No,” he shot back. “Of course not.”
“Then how can you blame yourself? You made the best decision you could under the circumstances. I know I was wrong to come here. Jamie warned me that you would not appreciate my interference. But it’s not because I don’t believe in you, Alex. There was no one else I could trust with such an important message.”
“Youwerewrong to come, Meg. I know you only thought to help, but it’s too dangerous for you here. It’s too dangerous for me with you here.”
He couldn’t concentrate on anything with her so close. He was filled with such longing, to take her in his arms and cherish her love, cherish her body. Not focusing on the task at hand could be a deadly mistake. Her very presence on Lewis crippled him, putting him at grave risk.
The starlight seemed to catch the soft highlights in her hair. Unconsciously, he slid his hand over the smooth waves, weaving through their depths. Her very softness unleashed his desire. His body burned. He wanted to bury his face in her hair, rip off her clothes, and taste every inch of that soft skin. He wanted to make her tremble and come apart in his arms. If she didn’t leave soon, he might forget the danger and give in to temptation. His voice turned hoarse with longing. “I can’t think when you are near.”
“Then don’t,” she whispered in the soft, seductive voice of an enchantress.
Her body sought his, her softness melting into his heat, teasing him with pleasure so acute that he began to shake. Despite the cool evening, sweat gathered on his brow. Blood coursed through his veins, and his erection throbbed unmercifully. Salvation waited only a hair-breadth away.
He stepped back, snapping the invisible pull. “I must. People are depending on me, Meg. Would you truly have me leave? Walk away from my kin when they are depending on me? What kind of leader would I make for your clan?”
She looked at him blankly, stubbornly refusing to acknowledge the truth.
He sank the knife of truth deeper. “Could you walk away from your clan, from your responsibilities? Would you have me do what you would not?” She looked as though she wanted to argue; the stubborn lass did not easily concede defeat. “This is what I do, Meg. I fight. What the king is doing on Lewis is wrong, and I cannot stand by and watch my kin be murdered without doing something.” The call was just as much a part of him as Meg. He could not deny either. “I must do my duty to my clan, just as you must do yours,” he said.
Her face collapsed when she understood his meaning. “But I can’t marry Jamie.” Tears glistened in her eyes.
And Alex was relieved that she would not. He still couldn’t believe she’d refused Campbell. Shocked, but enormously pleased.
“Of course you can’t,” he said gently. “Not right now.” His fingers traced the contours of her mouth. “But you will marry if you must.”
If I die.The words were left unspoken, but he knew she understood.
