It might be ridiculous, but if something happened to her, Alex would never forgive himself. Cursing the mess he’d managed to embroil himself in, he started down the passageway after Meg’s would-be assailant.
But this was the last time he would put her before his mission.
Chapter 9
Meg’s resolve had been torn to shreds by the events of the evening before. She felt an almost desperate need to see Jamie. To prove that kissing Alex had not changed anything and that she would still go through with her plan. She resisted the urge to press her fingers to her mouth for the hundredth time, still able to feel him on her lips.
She glanced at Elizabeth seated in the chair opposite her. They’d decided to spend a quiet morning in the salon after the “excitement” (if only Elizabeth knew) of the masque last night. Meg was glad of the short reprieve.
Holding her cup to her lips, she took a long sip of warm beef broth, peering at her friend over the rim. “Jamie should be returning soon?” she asked innocuously.
Not fooled for an instant, Elizabeth glanced up from the chess pieces she was organizing. “In a day or two. You’re eager to see him?”
Meg ignored the hint of surprise in Elizabeth’s voice. “I’m always pleased to see your brother,” she replied firmly. “What was the urgent business for your cousin, anyway? Jamie was unusually vague.”
Elizabeth shrugged. “I’m not sure. Something to do with ships for the king, I think.”
Meg’s brows gathered across her nose. “Ships? What for?”
“I don’t know. But he did mention that he’d have to travel to Fife in a few weeks because the ships would be leaving. I’m sure he’ll tell you all about it when he returns.” Elizabeth studied her face a little longer. A wrinkle appeared between her brows. “Are you sure you are feeling well today, Meg? You look a little pale.”
Meg shook her head. “I’m tired, that’s all. Last night was—” She stopped, feeling the presence of someone beside her. She glanced up, startled to see Alex. How long had he been standing there listening to them? His ability to move so soundlessly was disconcerting. Not as disconcerting, however, as seeing him so soon after last night.
Color rose in her cheeks, realizing he’d probably heard Elizabeth’s comments about her wan appearance. And Alex, unlike Elizabeth, knew the reason why. Their eyes met, and the memory of what happened between them rushed back to her consciousness full force. She lowered her lashes, not trusting herself to look at him for fear that he would read her turbulent emotions as easily as she read Latin.
The strain of the situation was wearing on her. Meg felt like a tightly wrought bundle of nerves. Always before she’d been able to manage the stress of her duties and responsibilities, but this was different. This was personal. Her emotions lay so close to the surface, at any moment she felt as though she could burst into tears.
It was horrifying.
Meg was not the type of woman who cried. Ever. Tears, she knew, were a sign of weakness, of giving over to emotion. She’d always tried to solve her problems with logic. But there was nothing logical about last night. The truth was that Meg did not know how to solve this sort of problem. How could she forget about Alex MacLeod when each day he seemed more permanently imprinted on her consciousness?
So last night, for once, Meg’s vaunted control over her emotions had lost to the powerful relief brought by a healthy deluge of tears. Tears that had begun to fall the moment she’d made it to the safety of her bedchamber and hadn’t stopped for some time.
Never had she been so embarrassed. Her conduct had been outrageous. She’d responded to Alex as eagerly as a wanton and then lashed out, causing him real pain, when her own lack of control had gripped her in a moment of terror. Thinking only of escape, she’d reacted reflexively. What must he think of her? She owed him an apology, but she wasn’t sure how to broach the subject delicately.
Why, why, whyhad she allowed him to kiss her? And how could she have succumbed so easily? When he’d kissed her, she’d lost the ability to form a coherent thought. She hadn’t wanted to think at all. She’d only…wanted. She would never be able to look at him again without remembering precisely how it felt to have his mouth on hers, devouring her as if she were a delicious sweet. Meg’s cheeks flamed. But it wasn’t only the kiss. Never would she forget the erotic sensation of his hand on her breast and his arousal pressed firmly against her. Or of how close she wanted to be to him.
Grateful for small mercies, Meg had made it back to her room without seeing anyone. One look at her face would have announced her just-been-thoroughly-ravished state to all. She’d managed to clear away all vestiges of her tears by the time Rosalind and Elizabeth arrived to check on her.
According to her mother, when Meg didn’t return to the hall, Alex had insisted that she check and make sure Meg had arrived safely in her room. His concern for her, especially after what she’d done to him, only sufficed to make her feel worse.
Meg was more confused than she’d ever been in her life. She had a duty to her father and to her clan. She thought of the unspoken plan hatched all those years ago. The plan that would ensure her brother would be chief and the clan safe from an outside threat. The plan that hinged on her choice of husband. Never had she thought it would be a sacrifice to fulfill that duty. But neither had she counted on meeting a man like Alex MacLeod.
He could ruin everything. How was she supposed to make the right decision if all she could think about was a man who was completely wrong for her?
Or was he?
That was the question that kept ricocheting around inside her head. She’d had her doubts from the first, and the more she knew of him, the more his reason for being at court did not make sense. There were too many things about him that simply did not add up. She wanted to believe that he was more than a mercenary who’d sold his sword and fallen out with his chief. But what if it was only wishful thinking on her part?
Her heart had failed her before; she would never forget how thoroughly she’d been deceived by Ewen Mackinnon. Alex was nothing like Ewen, but he was hiding something.
“I’m sorry to interrupt,” Alex said. Meg looked up when he spoke to find him staring at her. “Your mother asked me to tell you that she will be delayed and unfortunately will have to miss your ride this afternoon.”
Meg frowned, looking down at the gown she’d donned in anticipation of their outing. Her mother had been looking forward to riding in Holyrood Park. What had changed her mind. As if Alex could read her mind, he added, “I believe she is attending to Lady Seton.”
Lady Seton could be quite demanding. Her mother had probably been conscripted into an afternoon of cards or embroidery. Lady Seton…That was it.The voice she’d heard last night had belonged to Lord Chancellor Seton. What had Alex been doing in that corridor?
Alex stood there, watching her with a strange expression on his face. Uncomfortable, Meg said, “Yes, well, thank you for the message, but as you can see, we were just about to play a game.”
