Change and I had a complicated relationship. Mostly because change was never good in my book. It always seemed to come with a swift kick in my ass, and I wasn’t feeling an ass-kicking tonight. “So, that’s it? We just put all this work in and leave?”
“Wouldn’t be as simple as all that, but that’s the gist of it.” Creed’s eyes moved across the room, taking in the guards and the pit bosses still wandering around collecting last-minute slips. “This place isn’t ours. It never has been.”
“That doesn’t feel right.”
“Doesn’t make it any less true.” Creed crossed his arms. “We were never meant to stay forever.”
“Damn.” Memphis leaned back against the bar. “Didn’t think we were there yet.”
“Can’t keep spending our time guarding someone else’s empire. It’s time to think about our own.”
“What’s Sergei gonna say about all this?”
“Not sure. If I had to guess, I’d say he’d be good with it. They’ve got a hell of a crew working for them.”
“Except for Deen,” I grumbled. “Dude’s an asshole.”
“So damn jealous,” Memphis teased.
“Eat shit.”
Creed looked between us, then added, “Might be time for us to think about adding onto the Vault or opening up another across town.”
“Why don’t we put up a bar next door?” I suggested. “We can get folks feeling good on gin and send them over for a couple of rounds of blackjack.”
“Definitely something to consider. But for now, we hold down the fort and consider all options.”
“I’m up for anything, as long as Deen isn’t involved.”
“You’re gonna have to get a grip, brother.”
“Yeah, whatever.”
Deen glanced over in our direction, and it took everything I had not to tell him to fuck off. Thankfully, our shift came to an end, and we were cut loose for the night. As we started for the parking lot, I zipped up my coat and pulled my gloves from my pocket. When Memphis spotted me putting them on, he shook his head and said, “Can’t believe you rode tonight. It’s cold as hell.”
“What can I say?” I kicked my leg over the seat as I shrugged and said, “I’m a glutton for punishment.”
Before he could respond, I slipped on my helmet and turned on the engine, revving it to tune out anything either of them might have to say. I knew they would give me shit, and I couldn’t exactly blame them. It was cold as hell, too cold for the bike, but I wanted the cold.
I needed it to freeze out whatever had been clawing up my spine for the past few days and settle it back down where it belonged. I pulled out of the parking lot and eased the throttle back as I made my way out to the main road. It wasn’t long before my fingers started to sting through my gloves. My nose burned, but the tightness in my chest eased a little the faster I pushed.
I told myself it was enough, but the memories never played fair. All it took was a glimpse of an old barn, half-rotted and barely standing, for thoughts of my father to start creeping in. His face was stern and hard. It had that permanent coldness he always wore after Mom died. It was like her death had frozen him solid, and he never thawed out.
If he wasn’t working at the post office sorting the day’s mail, he was holed up in his shop. The door was always cracked, and the TV would be blaring some game he wasn’t really watching.He’d have a beer on the counter, and he’d sip on it as he pretended to be working on some big project.
Only there was never any project. He was just hiding.
From life.
From Davis.
From me.
From everything. Those days didn’t haunt me. I’d managed to push them out of my mind and put them behind me. But the good old days were a different matter.
I couldn’t seem to let go of the times when he’d woken me and Davis up early on a school day and announced that we were taking the day off. We’d spend all afternoon out on his boat fishing, and when we got back, he’d cook up a hell of a meal. Then, there were the days he’d play catch with us in the backyard and slow his throw just enough where Davis and I could actually catch it. He’d jump and cheer like we’d won the World Series.
Those were the memories that gutted me and made me wonder if we ever really knew him at all or if that version of him died right alongside Mom. I needed to let that shit go. I wasn’t a damn kid anymore. I was done waiting on a man who gave up on life, and even worse, gave up on himself.
