He shifts so his shoulder rests against the wall, his knee open toward mine, a question written in bone. I imagine leaning in. I imagine the soft drag of his beard on my cheek, the way he tastes like summer heat and nineteen. I imagine not stopping. Ever.
“Matteo,” I whisper, and it comes out like a warning and a wish.
“Caitríona,” he breathes, the Irish easy on him now, and if names could touch, I’d be done. Another loaded pause. He reaches for a water bottle on the little sink, unscrews the cap, and hands it to me.
It’s a reprieve I didn’t ask for, and I drink it like it’s penance.
“We’ll change trains at Glasgow.” His voice is practical again, gentled at the edges. “Then we take a private car to Ayr, then the shuttle. From there, the ferry pulls out at midnight. We keep our heads down at Central, and there should be no drama.”
“No drama,” I agree, smiling despite the lie of us.
He glances at the upper berth. “Do you want to sleep for a bit?”
I stare up at the narrow mattress that would hold one of us at most. “You first.” He hasn’t slept all night and still, we both know he won’t now.
Matteo stretches one long leg, ankle brushing mine, and his hand settles palm-down on the bed between us, careful territory. “Wake me if you want me to move to the top.”
“I’ll survive right here,” I murmur.
“You always do.” Somehow, his voice is proud and broken all at once.
The train hushes around us. Somewhere toward the front, a door clanks, then goes quiet again. I lie back, not quite touching him, our knees a whisper apart and the smell of lemons a lifetime away. I sew my mouth shut with willpower alone. He watches the door, and I watch the shadow his profile throws on the blind and pretend the world might forgive us one more time.
Outside, England slides north. Inside, the distance between our mouths could be crossed in half a heartbeat. I count my breaths and keep them to myself.
CHAPTER 36
EYES ON ME
Matteo
My eyes flutter open, warmth and the still familiar sleepy weight of Cat thrown across me. Her calf is over my thigh, palm splayed on the ink across my chest like she’s claiming real estate in her sleep. The train rocks us like a quiet tide, steel whispering over steel. It’s the first good night of sleep I’ve had in days. Her breath pools hot at my collarbone. The blinds are down, and the cabin is a pocket of dusk where morning can’t find us yet.
I shouldn’t move. I should just let her sleep. ButDio, I want to touch her so badly. Waking up in a tangle of arms and legs, bodies pressed together all night, has need burning through my veins. My cock strains against the zipper, begging for release. Not now,coglione.
Watching her for a long moment, I take in the soft part of her lips, the freckles dusting her nose and cheeks. I count them to steady myself. Twenty-seven. I draw in a breath, forcing the fire licking up my veins to settle. But it’s no damned use.
I bend and press my mouth to her hairline, just a breath of a kiss. She doesn’t stir, so I allow myself another taste. I kiss her temple this time, slow and careful, the way you touch a miracle you don’t deserve. The gentle rise and fall of her chest grows quicker. When she still doesn’t pull away, I turn her face a fraction with two fingers beneath her chin and graze the corner of her mouth.
Her lashes flutter, then settle. Stubborn.
I smile against her skin and steal a real kiss. It’s soft at first, then deeper. She answers me in that half-dream way, mouth parting, a small sound caught between us.
“Hey,” I murmur, lips brushing hers. “Look at me, Kitty Cat.”
She tries to chase the dark again, keeping her lids firmly closed.
“I need you to look at me,” I coax, thumb stroking her jaw. “To know it’s me. To believe I’m here.” And I’m never leaving you again.
Her eyes open, blue and wrecked, and the first tear slips free before she can stop it. I catch it with my mouth like I can undo gravity. Another comes. I kiss that one too. My chest does something ugly and hollow.
“Sorry, damn it,” she whispers, angry at herself as she swipes at the tears.
“Don’t be.” I frame her face and kiss the apology off her lips. “You’re allowed to be real with me.”
We breathe the same air. The carriage hum fills the silence we don’t know how to. I want to tell her everything.
I love you.
