I want to stand and say, Cat tried to kill me, but she missed on purpose. Cat is alone and dangerous. I want to say that I saw her eyes and something in them didn’t belong to the girl I was in love with all those years ago. I want to say that I can’t, I won’t, let Ale walk into a fight he can’t handle.
Instead, I just sit, the plastic chair creaking under me, and breathe like the air is a thing to be rationed.
Serena’s hand finds mine. For a second it feels like an anchor. “You fucked up, cuz,” she says low, “but we all do, sometimes. So going forward, just don’t keep shit from us.”
I look at her. At Bella. At the Ferraras. Then I picture Ale and the desperation in his eyes before he got into the ambulance. He looked completely hollowed out. Then I picture Rory on the stretcher, forehead sweaty, breath shallow, a halo of tubes and a life that’s suddenly so fragile I want to vomit.
“I will,” I promise. It’s the safest vow I can make right now because it buys me time. Time to find Cat. Time to decide if I can bring myself to betray whatever I feel when I think of her finger on the trigger and the way she didn’t pull it clean.
“You can come in one at a time to see her shortly,” the doctor announces. For a second, I completely forgot he was there. “But you can’t stay long. She needs to rest.” Then the doctor steps closer to me. “Are you Matteo?”
I nod.
“Your cousin asked to see you first.”
Merda.
“Come with me.”
The soles of my boots stick to the tiles, my legs unwilling to follow the man through those swinging double doors.
“Go on,” Serena calls out before giving me a little shove.
“And hurry up,” Alessia adds. “We all want to get in there too.”
I force my feet forward, the sterile halls passing by in a blur. A minute or maybe ten later, the doctor stops in front of a door. Offering a half smile, I dip my head and let myself in.
Alessandro is at Rory’s side; his shoulders are a low, low thing I’ve never seen on him before. He looks…small.Vulnerable. It twists something inside me until I want to gouge my own chest out just to stop the ache.
His gaze finally lifts to mine, and the depth of fury surging beneath the dark surface is palpable. “Did you find the assassin?”
“No,” I mutter, head down, guilt lashing at my insides. Somehow, I’ve failed them all. Glancing between him and Rory, I finally force my numb lips to form the words. “The baby?”
“The doctors are monitoring both of them closely. There’s no immediate cause for concern, but it’s too soon to say?—”
My head dips again because I can’t swallow past the enormous lump that’s lodged itself there. So instead, I spin on my heel without a word, like a totalcoglione. I vaguely hear my cousins calling my name as I pass the waiting room and dart out into the night.
As my feet pound the pavement in a manic beat, I think of a woman who could vanish in an alley and live, and of a family I would do anything to protect. And I must find a way to ensure they both survive this.
CHAPTER 18
LIVE
Caitríona
Dawn breaks over the ridge of the roof in a riot of too bright yellows and oranges while I pace the terrace like a woman in a cage. The city below hisses to life with sharp horns, a baker’s truck that sounds like a drum, and the incessant jackhammer pounding away at the nearby building. The permanent, indifferent hum of Manhattan breathes itself awake, but I’m still frozen.
I should be gone.
I told myself that a dozen times last night and every time the plan tightened like a tourniquet and then slipped loose when I imagined Matteo’s face hollowed by whatever vengeance my family decided to hand him.
My phone is a hot stone in my palm, the burner’s surface scuffed from when I hurled it to the ground and planned on smashing it last night. Only I didn’t go through with it.
The messages are an ugly chorus I can’t unhear.
Da: Where are you?
Donal: YOU FAILED. MAKE NO MISTAKE. I AM COMING.
