Because I’d been so stuck in my grief for too long. Misguided by the potency of my desire for him and confused with how my past would have a smaller impact on how I saw my future, I had made a terrible mess of it.
“How can I be angry at you when I love you?” I asked, climbing onto the bed to take the place my daughter had just vacated.
He smiled slowly, letting me get close. “You’re joking, right? Because there’s no way you’ve been here all these months and failed to see how Mikhail and Claire can argue and?—”
I smiled, blinking away the happy tears that stung my eyes. Closing them as I brought my face toward his, I sighed in anticipation of the perfection that rocked through me whenever we kissed.
He groaned lightly at the pressure of my lips over his, accepting my words and love as a joint declaration of love.
When he lifted his hand to cup the back of my head and angle me for a deeper angle and truly taste me, he winced and recalled too belatedly how sore that side of his body was.
I reared back, pushing his arm down. “Arguing isn’t being angry with one another. That’s just bickering.”
“Hmm.” He rested his head back, staring at me like I was his whole world.
“I love you,” I said again, in case he was going too far with his attempt to lighten the mood. “I love you and I don’t plan on ever stopping.”
“Thank fuck,” he muttered roughly, tugging me over and toward him for another hungry kiss. I squeaked in surprise, slightly in awe that he had this much strength when he had recently lost so much blood that Claire had to give him a transfusion. He’d been out for so long. She listed a long report of where he’d been hurt and stitched up. Yet, he had the power to yank me close so he could render me breathless and needy with his mouth possessing mine.
Careful not to put all of my weight on him and mindful to avoid touching the surgery sites, I placed my hands on the mattress of the raised back of the hospital bed.
“Don’t,” he warned greedily, staring at me with an intense heat of lust in his eyes as he urged me to straddle him. “Don’t you dare deny me a kiss, acting like you need to be delicate with me.”
I giggled as he pulled me down for another kiss, sighing at the perfection of this man dominating me.
“You hardly weigh a thing. You’re not going to hurt me,” he murmured, splaying his hand over my ass cheek and urging me to grind against him.
“But I think I did,” I replied, sobering up from this rush for intimacy he seemed intent on. “I did hurt you, Sergei.”
He sighed, letting me back up so we could face each other. Shaking his head slowly, he caught his breath. “You didn’t, Natalie. I don’t blame you for how you reacted.”
“No, Sergei. No.” I framed his face, rubbing my thumb over his lower lip. “I was hurt, confused, and shocked. But it wasn’t fair to either of us for me to retreat and hold this grudge against you for so long.”
“I wanted to give you time and space.”
I dipped down to kiss him again. “I could tell. And I respected you more for it.”
“Ever since I met you, I realized that you needed to figure things out on your own. To not be pushed.”
Because it would’ve scared me off.
In hindsight, I couldn’t imagine never taking a chance on him.
“I shouldn’t have let it get so far. I shouldn’t have let myself get so stuck in the past that I couldn’t move forward at all. I’ve got no right to be angry at you when it was an accident. I understand that. I really do.”
He hadn’t set out to intentionally murder my husband.
“I was angry at the world, I was angry that Fitz had been killed so young. But once I realized that there is more to you than thestrong man who carries a gun, I knew that it was so wrong to treat you like the enemy.”
He stroked his fingers over my side, nodding. “And I don’t blame you for having that anger. I would’ve felt the same if I were in your position.”
“And I don’t want to be stuck in this loop of grief. Or sorrow. Or loneliness. I can’t convince myself that anything good would come from pushing you away. I crave how complete you make me feel. I cherish every time I witness you acting like a father to Maisie.”
“You will never be lonely again.”
This time, I let him pull me all the way down for a longer, deeper, and more tender kiss.
I’d never be lonely again because of him.
