Nothing changed. It didn’t matter how much space I gave Natalie, how little I tried to get in her way.
She remained aloof and cool toward me.
Where we were once lovers, laughing and rushing to steal kisses and secret quickies, we were now roommates.
Where she would once be able to undo my control with just a simple look of need, she’d now hide the fact that she wanted to see me at all.
Nonetheless, I stayed true to the course. I would wait her out. I would show her all the kindness that I could and hold on to the hope that she would figure out how to let us get back to more of what we once explored.
Because even though she resisted anything more than being roommates like this, I was confident that I was proving myself through actions. I was telling her with my behavior that I was more than a violent monster. That there was more to me thanthe fact that I worked with violence and was the fearless Orlov enforcer.
I showed her how much I cared and would continue to care by keeping her safe. Maisie and Natalie were protected under my watch, and they wanted for nothing while they lived with me.
While Natalie struggled with forgiving me and approaching me to speak about her late husband, Maisie didn’t have the same reservations.
The young girl never came out to ask about why her mother and I were at odds. I supposed that Natalie was careful not to show her dislike of me. She never overly ignored me at the dinner table, answering with the least amount of words as possible if I asked her something about the food or made emotionless small talk. If I was looking for something in the penthouse, she would reply with where it was.
Like this, I suspected she was trying to be civil with the most distance that she could get away with while not making her daughter worry or catch on to anything being amiss. And that was the hardest part of it all. Seeing Natalie in my home and in my life, but having to respect her need for no intimacy or contact. This buffer of antagonism.
Maisie had yet to fine tune her perception to know that her mother held a lot of anger toward me, and I didn’t dare to test that bond. I never once thought about using Maisie to get to Natalie. If I did, it would be tinged with deception. When Natalie finally came to me and accepted that I cared for her, I wanted her to come under her own will. To decide to want me again.
That didn’t mean neglecting Maisie, though. That didn’t mean I had to distance myself from the girl. I bet I couldn’t have tried towith how she opened up to seeing me as a friend, a relative, and not some stranger she called Mister Sergei.
She’d run into my arms when we rescued her, and I would never forget that moment.
She consistently and enthusiastically asked me to spend time with her, coloring and playing games. I tried to make myself as available as possible to give her the chances to learn more about me. Learning more about her was a rewarding journey I enjoyed. One I never saw myself looking forward to.
Children had been absent in our lives for so long. The buildings we owned were for men, for business, and not young girls. When Anya arrived, she was a teen, and that still was an adjustment for all of us.
Getting used to Maisie was different, and I acknowledged how much fuller and brighter my life could be with her here.
I had no guidance on how to step in as a parental position. I had no role model to learn from. Mikhail had acted like a father to me and my brother, but he never knew how to be a paternal figure either. He’d had to spend so much of his life learning how to be the boss, and sooner than he’d expected to.
Figuring out how to be here and support Maisie felt like a process of winging it. If she wanted to see me as someone she trusted, then I’d learn how to be such a figure for her. If she sought me out to play or just to talk, I would hear her out and be patient.
A couple of days after Mikhail and Claire’s wedding, though, when Maisie asked me to play her favorite board game, she unexpectedly mentioned her father.
“My mommy married my daddy in a little church.”
I didn’t flinch. I didn’t show my surprise. If she wanted to talk about her father, she could. I wouldn’t hide from the topic. I also wouldn’t offer any information she was too young to hear, though.
“I wasn’t born yet, but Mommy showed me pictures.”
She glanced up at me and I gave her a small smile.
“I like looking at the pictures of her in the big white dress,” she added.
I smiled wider. “Like Claire’s dress?” The wedding had been a smaller affair, but still, it had taken all day. Watching Claire’s happiness at having Natalie there as a guest proved to us all how the women cared for each other. They were friends, helping each other in ways we hadn’t realized they’d needed. I didn’t like the idea that Claire would still feel like an outsider here, with my uncle, but as long as she wasn’t the only woman brought into the family, she could fit in. Natalie, likewise, hadn’t held back in befriending my uncle’s woman. And she needed it. She didn’t seem to have a circle of friends and support to begin with.
“Hmm-mmm.” Maisie smiled, likely recalling the wedding from just days ago.
“My daddy just wore a suit.” She shrugged, as if a man’s attire to a formal event wasn’t anything that could impress her.
“Sometimes, I miss him.”
Dammit.I swallowed hard. “Your father?”
She nodded, her gaze on the board. “Yeah. He died.”
