Natalie pouted as I pulled my hand out of her pants. Licking my fingers had her wincing with disappointment, but once she straightened her clothes and I adjusted my dick so my erection wouldn’t be so obvious, I kissed her quickly.
“Later,” I whispered into her ear. “We’ll figure this out later.”
I meant my erection. And her being so aroused. We’d figure out how to address that in my bed tonight after Maisie was asleep.
After she left the pantry to reply to Maisie, I sighed and wondered how long I could procrastinate taking things a stepfurther. How long did I need to wait to ask Natalie if she could be a loyal and faithful part of the Orlov organization and family?
Because as much as I wanted to see myself as her man, there was no way to separate from the identity I was known for. I was the Orlov Enforcer. Letting any woman into my life came with risks and stipulations, but I shoved those concerns aside—once more—to think about later.
18
NATALIE
“You look happy.”
I smiled at Anya and prayed I wouldn’t blush. Of course I looked happy. Sergei and I stole a few kisses in the master closet and I figured out the quickest way to make him come. Being on my knees and sucking him off was so naughty, but it turned me on to please him. To get him off. He, however, decided that he’d take his time and make me almost beg for him to let me come as he went down on me, using his masterful tongue and fingers so well that I had to bite into a pillow not to scream.
What are you doing to me, Sergei?
Is your goal to make me addicted?
“I’m surprised.”
I raised my brows at her, alarmed. We were watching Roman teach Maisie how to swim. When I first learned of the tunnel that connected the buildings on this block, keeping the men of the Orlov Family close, I was impressed. Shocked, too. We’d walkeddown the tunnel to reach Roman’s building so many times now that it was weird to think back to when I hadn’t known these men existed, that this tunnel was here.
Sometimes, it caught me off-guard, how much my life had changed. Last month, I’d learned the pleasure of being with Sergei as more than a friend or charity case. The month before that, I’d learned how good it was to not have to work and focus on being a mother.
And Iwashappy. Anya called it, and I wouldn’t deny it. All my needs were met. I wanted for nothing. Yet, this happiness scared me. Because I had been in this position before. All my needs had been met before Fitz was killed. I wanted for nothing when he was alive and taking care of me and Maisie.
Then I’d lost him. My world was shattered. There was absolutely nothing that could promise it wouldn’t happen again. Actually, the fear was more present and real with Sergei. He was a dangerous Mafia man and he had plenty of enemies. He lived in a world of danger, and he could very well be at more of a risk to be killed than Fitz had been on that one random night when he was too close to crime not related to him.
I wouldn’t deny myself this happiness I’d found by befriending Sergei and trusting him. Yet, it terrified me to think of losing him, of losing this.
“You’re surprised that I’m happy?” I asked Anya, who was distracted watching Maisie.
“Yay! You did it!” She clapped, beaming at her.
I jumped in and cheered Maisie’s jump into the water. I hadn’t been paying attention, hooked on what Anya said.
“Yes. Sergei is just so serious. Quiet.” She shrugged. “It’s taken me a while to get to know everyone here since I moved home to live with my father, but I’ve always wondered about Sergei. He’s more aloof than Andre or Roman.”
I nodded. “I think that’s what draws me to him,” I confessed. “He’s not pushy. He’s not overbearing—usually. After my husband died, I wanted to focus on forging my own path and being independent. If Sergei had ever acted overly dominant too soon, I wouldn’t have wanted anything to do with him.”
She nodded and gave me a sad smile. “I’m sorry for your loss.”
I sighed and thanked her. “I’m sorry for yours, too.”
She arched a brow. “What loss?”
“Claire told me that you lost your mother when you were young.”
She scoffed. “I didn’tloseher. I never had her. She killed herself. Besides, even if she hadn’t done that, I doubt she ever would’ve been a mother to me. She was too selfish and concerned about herself to be a parent. She never wanted to be married or to have children.”
“Whoa.” I opened my eyes wide, sorry I’d opened that topic.
“Sorry. I can be blunt about it. Finally.” She continued, telling me how jaded and biased her mother’s family was in Russia. It was a chaotic move here to live with her estranged father, but they found their way to really connect and be a family. Claire had a lot to do with it.
“But you’re not like that. You’re such a great mom to Maisie.” Anya smiled sweetly. “Have you always wanted children?”
