Why are you fighting this?
He said he’ll explain.
Go and be safe and hold him to that.
It seemed so stupid to fight and resist his order to go home with him. He saved me. He’d risked himself to save my daughter. It made so much more sense to gotohim and cave to the feeling of security he so freely offered me.
Yet, I knew nothing in life was free. With life came death. With rewards came losses.
If I went with him and put my trust in him tonight, what would be expected? What would happen?
“They’re with me,” Sergei told Maisie, as if hedging the label of good or bad. I noticed, curious whether this could only mean he didn’t think he was a good man.
“A car is waiting at the back,” the older man told Sergei as he lowered his arm.
“Let’s go.” Sergei narrowed his eyes at me, as if counting on me to protest again. It would be stupid to now, with three men in here, outnumbering me. Maisie was young and impressionable. She’d obey and listen to me when I said he was a good guy.
Already, she saw him as a hero because he’d saved her from being taken on the sidewalk.
But was I really any better off being told to go home with him instead?
“Do you want to bring anything?” Sergei asked Maisie.
“For a sleepover?” she asked, sounding so young and sweet compared to his serious and gruff tone. “Can I bring my bear?”
He nodded. While I didn’t lose the scowl for him, I carried her out of my room and took her to hers. Sergei followed us in, but when he scanned the small space, it seemed like he was scoping for a threat, not hovering over us.
Maisie picked up her favorite teddy bear and I grabbed the small throw that she liked on her bed. Wrapping it around her as I carried her, I gave her the space to hug her bear to her chest.
Grabbing some clothes for myself would’ve been nice, but I resisted the urge to protest or ask for anything. This wasn’t a vacation. This wasn’t my idea.
But as Sergei and the two men exited with us, all the way down to the rear door of the building, I wondered if this was a kidnapping.
I was walking out voluntarily, but it was coerced. He’d shown up out of nowhere tonight and was now dictating that I’d go home with him? It was too surreal, too sudden to rationalize. This entire night was too much to process, but as I saw the expensivecar with tinted windows in the alley, I felt like I’d fallen off the face of the earth and had entered another world. An alternative universe where I’d know a strong, brave man who had access to a chauffeured car, with bodyguard-like men flanking him.
“Get in.” He opened the door, the expression on his face unreadable. Behind him the guards had their guns out and at the ready, as if they expected more trouble to sneak up close and threaten us.
Who are you?
What life do you lead with this familiarity of guns and violence?
What’s going on?
Ducking lower to crawl into the backseat, I dismissed the racing questions and worries that clogged my head. He said he’d explain, and I would wait and see what he had to tell me. Expecting him to close the door, I relaxed on the plush cushion of the seat and situated Maisie on my lap. She leaned against me as she hugged her bear, her eyes worried and watching. Perceptive and quiet, she proved how observant she was. Introverted, but also careful, as if she wanted to watch before acting or speaking.
Instead of giving us the back seat and getting in the front, Sergei followed us in. He sat across from me, facing us, in this limo-like setting.
“Where—”
He held his hand up as he stared me down and cut me off from asking him anything. Then he brought his other hand up and answered a call, indicating that he was on the phone, unable—orunwilling—to answer me. The explanations he promised weren’t coming yet.
“I trust that everything will be handled quickly,” he told the caller.
Even though he looked at me while he spoke to someone else, it was quiet in here. Intimate. Calm. This serenity and safety were what I needed after the danger on the sidewalk. The ride was smooth as a driver took off, and with the partition between us and the front of the car, we were ensured privacy. Staying mobile added to the sense of security I so badly craved. That random moment of street violence was beyond me now. Distance grew between me with my daughter and where those men had tried to attack us and capture us.
It washim,though. Sergei was the reason I felt so safe. Simply having him with me grounded me, but I detested that reliance. I wasn’t supposed to need him. I didn’t evenknowhim.
Why me?
