“You know I’ve always wanted to go to Thailand.”
“But you’re researchinglongtrips. What’s that about?”
I didn’t know what to say, so I ignored her and pulled out a pair of leggings and a hoodie.
“Answer me,” she pressed.
I exhaled and finally admitted it. “I’ve been thinking about traveling for a while.”
I turned around, and the look on Zahra’s face made my chest ache. It wasn’t anger. It was sadness. It was refusal before she even spoke.
Before she could protest, I rushed the words out. “I need time to myself. I just… I don’t feel like myself anymore.”
Zahra sat up a little. “Ava—”
“My whole life changed so suddenly,” I cut her off. “I’m not in school anymore. My father is dead. And I feel horrible saying this, but I miss him. I miss the version of him I had. And I feel guilty for missing him, so it’s like I didn’t even get to mourn him the right way.”
Zahra’s eyes softened, and she nodded once. “I understand that feeling more than you know.”
Pouting, I sat on the edge of the bed. “And I love you and Saint. I do. I appreciate everything you both have done. But I want my own. I want space that’s mine. And I know you say I don’t have to be careful about how much space I take up in this house, but I do anyway. Out of respect.”
“You don’t have to do that,” Zahra said immediately.
“I know. But I still do. Because it’s your home. And I’m grateful for the protection, especially after everything that happened. I’m not ignoring that.”
Zahra’s jaw tightened at the mention of the kidnapping, but she stayed quiet and let me finish.
“I just feel like I don’t have an identity. I’m not in school. I’m not working. I don’t have my own place. I went from a spoiled daughter to protected liability.” I shook my head, hating how true it sounded. “You and Saint are so loving and giving, but it feels like a new kind of cage. I want to be free for a while.”
She interrupted me with a groan and a roll of her eyes. “You are not White.”
“Zahra, I’m being serious!” I exclaimed. “I need to figure out who I am and what I want to be.”
Zahra stared at me for a long second, then exhaled. “I never want you to feel locked up.”
“I know, but it feels that way.”
“I also can’t imagine my sister being across the country,” she added, eyes narrowing like she was already stressed. Then she leaned back and squinted at me. “And who the hell is supposed to finance this Thailand dream?”
I gave her my most innocent look. “I was hoping my sister with the rich husband would.”
Zahra’s mouth dropped. “Oh, so I’m the travel sponsor now?” Then Zahra laughed. “Sounds like you ain’t going anywhere.”
My expression fell. “Zahra—”
She pointed at me with her long stiletto nail. “If you want to travel for the summer, you better go get you a job in Chinatown.”
SINCERE BELLAMY
That Monday, Rhythm took the day off work to recover from the weekend.
Since she was off, I had her meet me at my office.
When she walked in, she looked softer than she had all weekend. Her face was natural, and her locs were pulled back. Under her ankle-length puff coat, she wore an adidas track jacket with matching leggings.
“You look like you actually got some rest,” I said as I kissed her.
She smiled up into my eyes. “I did.”
