My dearest Iris and Margaret,
The sky was still black when another sound came. This time, it was a soft, hesitant knock.
Camelia froze; maybe she was just hearing things.
Ink dripped from the quill onto the blank page. She cussed and threw it away. To her surprise, she found Pamela awake and standing by her door.
Camelia rushed to her. “Pamela? Are you all right?”
Pamela stood in her nightgown and wrapper. Her hair was pulled in a loose plait, and her eyes were too bright for the hour.
“I-I’m sorry to trouble you. I couldn’t sleep, and I wanted to ask you if you’d have time this morning to watch me ride? I practiced the canter Father—His Grace showed me, and Susy was perfect yesterday, and I thought…”
The hope in her small voice was a slow, deliberate twist of a blade in Camelia’s already bleeding heart. She felt a pang of guilt for packing and planning to escape.
Pamela’s gaze slid from Camelia’s face to the open bag on the bed, then back again.
“Are you going somewhere?” she asked softly.
The pain in her voice was plain.
“No, darling,” she replied steadily.
Pamela took one uncertain step back. “You said you would never leave me.”
“And I wouldn’t, Pamela. I’m only… tidying up.”
Pamela’s eyes narrowed sharply. “Then why does your bag have your warmest pelisse in it? And the blue traveling dress?”
Camelia’s throat closed. She knelt, bringing herself to Pamela’s height, and cupped the girl’s cold cheeks in her hands. “Because sometimes grown-ups must be ready for anything,” she whispered. “But I am not leaving you. Not today. Not ever. And if I do, I will take you with me.”
Pamela searched her face for the lie. “You promise?”
“On every star in the sky, I promise.”
Pamela flung her arms around Camelia’s neck, clutching her tightly, and Camelia held on to her tiny body.
“I’ll be very good at breakfast,” she mumbled into Camelia’s shoulder. “I’ll do everything right and not complain once if you stay.”
Camelia closed her eyes, holding her so fiercely it hurt. “You don’t have to do anything for me to stay, Pamela. And I most definitely want to see you riding. I’ll stay for every moment if you need me.”
“That’s only if you have time. I don’t want to burden you.”
Camelia took Pamela’s icy hands between her own and rubbed warmth into them.
“Of course I have time, darling,” she said kindly.
Pamela pulled back just enough to beam. “Promise you’ll sit in the front of the jumping field so you can see me clear the brush fence?”
“I’ll be in the very front,” Camelia swore, tapping the tip of Pamela’s nose. “Yelling the loudest in all of England.”
Pamela giggled; the sound was bright and unbreakable after all the crying she had done. “I’ll ride faster than the wind just for you!”
“Then I’d better hurry and finish dressing too.” Camelia laughed. “Or the wind will leave me behind.”
“I believe that Susy is already waiting.”
“She’s way more punctual than I am.”
