"This isn't about risk?—"
"Yes, it is. You're risking that she'll see who you really are and decide you're worth it. That's terrifying. But it's also how relationships work." I say nothing to her, hoping she will stop talking about it.
I drive back to my apartment in silence, her words echoing in my head.
Because she's right.
I am scared.
Scared that if Lennox really sees me, all of me, including the parts I'm not proud of, she'll decide I'm exactly what she wrote in that article.
A product of toxic culture who's only performing change instead of embodying it.
But I'm also starting to hope.
Hope that maybe she'll see me differently. That maybe I'm not the villain in her story.
And that maybe, just maybe, I'm the protagonist in my own.
Even if I don't know how this story ends.
Chapter 5
Lennox
I can't stop thinkingabout the dinner.
About Maya's knowing looks and Carter's rare smiles and the way the three of us felt less like journalist-subject-chaperone and more like friends.
It's been three days, and I'm still processing.
"You're doing it again," Isla observes during our Tuesday morning shift.
"Doing what?"
"Staring into space with a weird expression. You've been like this since Saturday." She refills the espresso beans. "What happened at that game?"
I tell her. The whole thing. Maya's invitation, the dinner, the conversation, the feeling that something shifted.
"So you're falling for him," Isla summarizes.
"I'm not falling for him. I'm just... reassessing."
"That's what falling looks like. Trust me. I'm an expert now." She grins. "Sebastian and I started with reassessingtoo. Then suddenly I was in his private theater watching noir films and realizing I was completely screwed."
"This is different. Carter and I are still adversarial. We argue constantly. He's still making my job difficult." If he liked me wouldn’t he make a move or something?
"Is he though? Or is he just being cautious?"
I think about the thesis he let me read. The apartment he welcomed me into. The way he played that game, like he was trying to show me something.
"I don't know anymore. Which is the problem."
"Why is that a problem?" Isla questions, I was hoping she didn’t.
"Because I'm supposed to be objective. I'm writing a series about his team, about him. I can't do that if I'm..." I trail off.
"If you're what? Starting to like him?" Isla leans against the counter. "Lennox, liking someone doesn't mean you can't be fair. It might actually help. You'll see the full picture instead of just looking for problems."
