“But if you could guess, what do you think he would say?” Julia prompted. “I'm struggling with this too. I've been thinking about it a lot, and I think the best thing to do is just try to trust Dad's thought process as best we can. We know he wasn't trying to hurt any of us, and that's a good place to start.”
Vivian shut her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. “I think he would tell me that he wished he hadn't gambled so much.” For a moment she could imagine Frank vividly and she laughed, shaking her head. “And then he would tell me that it was almost worth it because it was so much fun. But then he would get serious again and apologize for risking our futures. He would tell me that he didn't want me to worry, that he had wanted to carry the burden of the situation alone. He would probably brag about all the ways he got the money to pay off his debts, and then he'd take my hand and tug me up this staircase to show me the money in the shoe box as if it was Ali Baba's lamp.” She felt tears in her eyes again, but this time her emotions were bittersweet.
Julia laughed a little. “That sounds like Dad. I never would have expected him to do anything like this, but being overly confident was definitely in his wheelhouse. He was always sure he could do anything. That's probably why he gambled so much. He probably kept being sure that he was going to win and then of course he didn’t.”
Vivian sighed. “I just wish that he'd been content with the life we had together. We didn't need any extra money. TheLighthouse Grill gave us plenty of income to raise you children and have this nice house.”
“I bet it wasn't about the money,” Julia said softly. “I think it was like an adventure for him. And that doesn't make it okay, but at least for me, it does make it a little easier to forgive.”
“I know what you mean.” Vivian looked down at the photo album in her lap and laughed involuntarily when she saw an old picture of Frank dressed as Santa Claus on Christmas Eve, holding up one of the cookies the children had left out as if it was a first prize medal. “He thought of everything as an adventure, didn't he? I always knew he was a little reckless, but when it came to you kids he was always careful. I never dreamed he would be reckless about your futures the way he was with that gambling.”
“I know,” Julia said, “but remember we don't know when he got into debt like that. It could have been after we were all grown up.” She placed a reassuring hand on her mother's shoulder. “We can't know what happened, and in the end, we don't need to know. What we know is that we love Dad and he loved us.”
Vivian nodded. She didn't know what else to say, but a comfortable silence hummed between herself and Julia and she realized that she didn't need to say anything. She began to turn the pages of the photo album slowly, and Julia leaned over her shoulder to look at the pictures.
As Vivian gazed at the photographs, she was struck by how involved Frank had been with each of his children while they were growing up. “Your dad was always there for you,” Vivian said softly. “Whether he was teaching Dean how to play baseball or teaching you girls how to swim, he was always ready to get involved with taking care of you and making sure you were equipped with good skills for your lives.”
“Oh definitely.” Julia smiled fondly at the picture of her father teaching her how to ride a bike. “He always knew howto make the scary stuff seem less scary. He was always cracking jokes and making us want to be all big and brave. I remember when I was learning how to swim, and I was so afraid of learning how to float on my back—he told me to pretend that I was a puffer fish and blow air out of my cheeks while I tried to float. The way he demonstrated it was so funny that I just kept giggling. In a little while I wasn't afraid anymore. I still wasn’t too good at floating, but at least I wasn’t as nervous.”
She laughed, and then a soft look came over her eyes. “I’ve been really struggling with this, but I’m realizing that it wouldn’t be right to be upset with Dad forever over the mistakes he made. I know now how challenging it is to be a parent. Whatever he did wrong, he was still a great one.”
Vivian pulled her daughter into her arms and they sat quietly for a few minutes, both lost in their own thoughts. Vivian felt her heart heal up a little more, and then all at once she gasped.
“What is it?” Julia asked, pulling out of their embrace and looking at her mother with concern. “Are you okay?”
“Oh yes.” Vivian stared into space with shining eyes. “Something just clicked for me. I know what I’m going to do with the money your father left.”
“You are? That’s great! What is it?”
Vivian shook her head. “Sorry, honey. I think I’m going to wait to reveal it until the whole family is together.”
Julia pretended to moan with disappointment. “Okay.” She winked. “I’m looking forward to it.” She kissed her mother on the cheek. “Do you want help reorganizing the attic?”
“Would you? Aren’t you too tired from looking after those little ones?”
Julia chuckled. “I am tired, but you know how much I love organizing things. I think it would be just the thing to revitalize me. Cooper bought me the most wonderful closet organizer, and getting to arrange everything in Quinn’s closet gave me anadrenaline boost for hours.” She grinned. “What do you say, Mom? Shall we get those old bins of winter hats sorted out?”
“Yes please. And who knows? Maybe we’ll find some little hats in there you can take for Macey or Quinn.”
Vivian shut the photo album and Julia helped her to her feet. Her heart felt light with relief and excitement as she began to reorder the attic with her daughter.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Dean’s eyelids fluttered open and he blinked at the patterns of sunlight that were flickering across his ceiling. He smiled slightly, feeling warm and content and comfortable.
It took him a few moments to realize that his pain, which he usually woke up with, was gone. Startled, he sat up and lifted his hands up in front of him. He moved his fingers slowly, one by one, shocked by how much better they felt. He still felt pain when he moved them, but it was significantly decreased from what it had been the day before.
Feeling excited, he slid out of bed. Normally, he despised how long it took him to get himself going in the mornings after the surgery, but as he moved, he found everything easier. He got dressed and brushed his teeth, marveling at how much his pain was reduced. At first, he’d wondered if he was simply imagining things, but it quickly became apparent that wasn’t the case.
This is great,he thought.This is really great. I guess I shouldn’t have been so worried that I would still be in pain on our wedding day.
He paused, pressing his lips together. Another wave of doubt swept over him, despite how good he felt. There was still noguarantee that the healing he was experiencing would be enough to eradicate his pain by the time of the wedding.
Telling himself firmly to stay optimistic, Dean made his way downstairs. His kitchen was a little messier than usual, since as a bachelor he didn’t keep it all that clean at the best of times, but now he struggled with doing dishes and many of them were still sitting in the sink. He smiled when he realized that getting them all washed would feel much easier that day.
He made himself some fried eggs and toast, adding a generous amount of olive oil to the pan. Ordinarily he preferred scrambled eggs, but moving his wrists to scramble the eggs was difficult during his recovery, so he’d been settling for fried.
Maybe tomorrow I’ll make scrambled,he thought.If I keep feeling better, scrambling eggs shouldn’t be too hard at all in twenty-four hours.
