"All of the above?" I try to find the words. "It started gentle. Like he was asking permission with every touch. Waiting on my consent. I really wanted him to show more aggression,more dominance… And then it just... escalated. Like we'd been holding back for years instead of days."
"That's the good stuff," Holly says approvingly.
"Has he made a move since?" Emily asks.
"Not really. We've been... I don't know. Dancing around it? He calls me 'good girl' when I do something well, and it makes me feel things I probably shouldn't feel in a professional setting."
"Oh, honey," Madison says gently. "This stopped being professional the second he kissed you."
"I know. I just don't know what to do about it."
"What do you want to do about it?" Chloe asks.
I close my eyes. "I want to see where it goes. I want to explore this thing between us. But I'm scared."
"Of what?" Maya's voice is soft.
"Of getting hurt. Of being wrong about him. Of wanting something I can't have. Like the movie Pretty Woman. I feel like Julia Roberts’ character, swept up in a world I’m not from and don’t belong in, a world I can’t have."
"Can't have or shouldn't have?" Amber challenges.
I look at her. "Is there a difference?"
"Huge difference. Can't means it's impossible. Shouldn't means society says it's wrong. But society is full of garbage rules that don't actually matter."
"The age gap?—"
"Is between two consenting adults," Madison interrupts. "Lily, you're not a child. You're a grown woman who knows what she wants."
"Do I, though? Because three days ago I was delivering groceries, and now I'm planning parties for millionaire doctors and making out in their kitchens."
"Life comes at you fast," Holly says philosophically.
Emily touches my arm. "Can I say something?"
"Please."
"I've known you for two years. In that time, I've watched you make yourself smaller to fit into other people's expectations. You take the safe path. The practical path. You never take risks." She squeezes my arm. "But this is the time you choose to do something for yourself. Be selfish for once. Ethan and the relationship that comes with him, scares you and excites you in equal measure, right?"
I nod.
"Then don't talk yourself out of it because it doesn't fit the plan you had."
Tears prick my eyes. "What if I screw it up?"
"Then you'll screw it up and we'll be here with wine and chocolates," Chloe says firmly. "But what if you don't? What if this is the thing that changes everything?"
"Ty was terrified when we started," Madison admits. "He eventually told me that he thought the age gap made him a creep. That people would judge. That I'd wake up one day and realize I wanted someone my own age."
"What changed his mind?"
"I did. I told him I didn't care what people thought. That I knew what I wanted, and I wanted him." She smiles. "Sometimes you have to fight for the thing that scares you most. Because it's usually the thing worth fighting for."
"Look at you being all wise and mature," Holly teases.
"I have my moments."
I wipe at my eyes. "I really like him. Like, scary amounts."
