“How could I believe you? Why didn’t you just tell me what you were?”
She smiles. “Darrow. The whole truth would have made you fear me because of the guilt you carry for what you did. Guilt makes men do very rash things. And my message wasn’t for you.”
“Do you hate me?” I ask.
“No.”
I look for hate in her eyes and don’t see it. I have feared for years that I would face the consequences for betraying the Sons on the Rim. Until I readThe Path to the Vale,I probably would have never believed anyone could ever forgive me.
I think of the eighth understanding.We achieve perfection first by acknowledging our failures. We increase understanding first by recognizing our ignorance.
“If it counts for anything, I am sorry for what I did,” I say.
Aurae reaches across the table and sets both her hands over mine. “I know. You’re not the Reaper. You’re just a wanderer trying to be what he thinks others need him to be. I forgave you a long time ago.”
I believe her, and I hold her hand so she knows how much it means to me. We say nothing for a moment, then I stand to check on Sevro. I stop by my room first to grab the book. I find Sevro in the quarters he’s made in the escape pod beneath the cargo bay. He doesn’t look up as I squat against the hatch frame. “You all right?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “It’s a trap. It’s not real—”
“I think it is real,” I say and hand him the book. He holds it with reverence. “Your father sent Titus and me to the Institute. It’s the sort of thing he’d do. Never tie two ships together in a storm. You know?”
He thinks it’s real too, which is why he looks so overwhelmed. “I can’t—” He looks up at me. “I got a baby now. I got my girls. I can’t—”
“You don’t have to. You’re going home, brother. If Virginia vets it, and it stands up, I’ll go.” He tears up he’s so relieved. I grip his shoulder. “All you need to think about is what you’ll say to your baby when he or she sees you for the first time.” He nods and hands me back the book. “It was your mother’s.”
“Not yet,” he says. “Just hold on to it. Yeah?”
I almost agree and I almost leave him alone, but he looks so lonely down here in the quarters he’s chosen so far from the rest of ours. Instead, I open to the first page and wait for him to stop me. He doesn’t. So I start to read aloud. He wipes his eyes and leans back against the bulkhead to listen as the ship carries on toward Mars.
I leave when he falls asleep. The music of a lyre creeps from Aurae’s room. I head through the lounge to find Cassius alone in the cockpit. He looks over as I sit down. “You all right?” I ask.
“I was used as a bus driver for a spy I’m in love with who I thought rescued me because she thought I was a hero, whose protégé chose to become a tyrant and shoot my best friend’s protégé in the head—whom I find out was the paragon of honor.” He smiles. “I’m over the moon, goodman.”
I squeeze his shoulder. “If it counts, I think you’re a hero.” He snorts a laugh but doesn’t throw my hand off. I pat his shoulder. “So I’m your best friend.”
He glares at me. “Don’t rub it in.”
I lean back and watch the stars. “Those ships could be the miracle the Republic needs,” he says. “Pity they’re so far away.”
“If they’re real,” I say. “And enough of them. You were listening on the intercom?” He nods. “Can I give you some advice?”
“If you let me give you some,” he replies.
“Fair enough. You first.”
“Sevro was spewing some depressing shit. Fair, considering the state I found you in after your stay with the Jackal.” He shivers. “Of all the people to clone, it had to be the creepiest. But Sevro isn’t clear in the head right now. It’s not all bad. You’re alive, brother. I know you thought you’d go back to Mars a savior, Mercury in your pocket. Now you’re probably wondering how you can face Virginia and Mars after all this. So I gotta ask. Is your faith in Virginia broken?”
I shake my head.
“Even though she didn’t send help on Mercury.”
“Never.”
“Then how can you be so dumb as to think she would ever believe any less in you? That our planet believes any less than you? You were a Red miner. You became the bloodydamn Reaper of Mars. Whatever mistakes you made, you did that. Not anyone else. You. So if you hang your head, how can anyone else hold theirs up?” He smiles. “After all, you’re friends with me, and I’m fabulously picky.”
I sit with that for a while. “Wait. Am I your only friend?”
“Shut up. Your turn.”
