“I think I was numb,” I admitted as I drew back a little. “I didn’t know what to do, and my options seemed so limited, but now, when I realize what I could have had, they weren’t. Gray would have accepted me and the baby with no hesitation. Dad, well, he wouldn’t have been delighted being a grandfather so early, but he would never have cast me aside, nor would you. It wasn’t the best situation, but I would have andcouldhave made it work. I was just too blind to all of that because all I had was my fear.”
“Adoption is a big step,” Anne said carefully. “I mean, it’s not like you would have been able to hide the fact you were pregnant.”
“I know.” I gave a rueful shake of my head. “And I never really thought about how I was going to discuss this with . . . anyone really.”
“Did Gray know?” Ava asked from where she was standing in the kitchen. She was leaning against the counter worktop, and there was no judgment in her face or her tone.
“No.” I took a deep breath. “I never told any of them. All they knew was that it happened.”
“He’s so incredibly protective of you,” Anne murmured as she walked to the fridge. “I don’t think he would have supported your decision for adoption. I mean, I know he would have, because of how he feels about you, but he wouldn’t have been happy.”
The laugh that burst out of me had too much emotion. I could feel the pain and the hurt, and also the genuine humor at the fact that Anne was so incredibly right. “I made such a mess of everything, I don’t know why he loves me.”
It was Anne’s turn to chuckle. “Because you’re amazing,” she said. “I don’t care if I’m biased and you don’t listen, you are. That boy’s loved you for years.”
“I dated Ash,” I said as I stared at the floor.
“You were seventeen. You’re allowed to make the wrong choices.” Anne poured herself a glass of wine and then looked at us both before she pulled two more glasses from the shelf. She poured us each a glass and handed it to us. “I think we all need this.”
Ava murmured her thanks and took a sip.
“I guess you girls want to be alone.” Anne gestured to the door and sighed. “I need to check in on your father. He doesn’t show it, but this will have rocked his foundation a little.”
“He’s disappointed,” I said sorrowfully as I placed my glass on the counter.
“I think he’s hurt that you went through this on your own. He won’t understand why you didn’t tell him, and honestly? I think he’s going to blame himself that you couldn’t tell him.”
“It wasn’t, I didn’t mean . . .”
“I know,” she said as she reached over and squeezed my arm. “I know, Quinn. I’ll go explain to him and let him come to terms with it all.” She walked to the door and then turned back to look at me. “I’m sorry you couldn’t come to me with this. I feel like I failed you as a parent, and I know I’m not your mom, but I should have neverallowed you to think I wasn’t here for you. I love you very much, Quinn.”
The tears I had been holding at bay spilled over, and I nodded at her as my capacity for words had left me. When she was gone, I looked at Ava, who wordlessly closed the distance and pulled me tight into her arms and held me while I cried.
Cried for the loss of my baby and for the hurt I had caused my family because I didn’t think about them and how my actions hurt them too. It wasn’t intentional, and I think I knew that when I made up my mind to keep my baby, they would have supported me. I just didn’t give them the choice to help me heal from my loss. I kept it all inside, and all I had done was hurt myself more and the people I loved.
“I love Gray,” I whispered into Ava’s shoulder.
Her snort of derision was loud in my ear. “Duh, really? I never would have guessed.”
“He loves me,” I said to her as I stood straighter.
Ava squinted at me as she looked me over. “Is this a newsflash to you?” she asked me curiously. “’Cause the whole damn world can see that the guy adores you. I mean, he doesn’t hide it.”
“But Ash . . .”
Ava nodded thoughtfully before she looked at me and the wine glasses. “I think he knew. I never understood the animosity toward you, and it felt off. It was more like a disgruntled friend than an ex, if you know what I mean?”
“I didn’t physically cheat on him,” I blurted out. I needed her to know that. “But I would have had Gray said yes. And I know that makes me a horrible bitch, and I understand if you judge me. I judge myself every day.”
Ava picked up the two wine glasses before she placed them down again and, opening the fridge, pulled out a bottle of wine, which she handed to me. “Snacks?”
“Top cupboard.”
As I watched her stretch for the chips, I stepped up behind her and took them off the shelf for her.
“Thanks.” She grinned, and then, picking up the chips and the two glasses, she looked at me. “Lead the way,” she said with a smile. “We have the wine, the snacks, and you need to purge your soul.”
“Purge my soul?” I asked as I started to leave the kitchen.
