Today’s going to be a horrible day—I can feel it… No, I won’t let it!
“Mommy?” a tiny, sleepy voice breaks through my thoughts, and a rush of love floods through me, almost, but not quite, overriding my anxiety.
“Cassie,” I murmur, reaching out and burrowing through the blankets to find my tiny daughter. I wrap my arms around her and pull her to my chest, wrapping the blankets around both of us as if to shield us from the cruel, harsh world that so often keeps us apart.
I haven’t had a day off in months. I’m not going to waste it worrying about nothing—I’m going to enjoy every single moment with my baby girl!
Cassie slips back into sleep, and I let the soft rhythm of her breath soothe me. The light in the room is only pale gold, so it’s not long after sunrise.
I’m not getting up until I absolutely have to. I can’t remember the last time I slept in.
Stroking Cassie’s hair gently, I drift back into a light doze, somewhere between sleep and waking. As hard as I try to relax, the faint tingle of anxiety still reaches me, like a tiny but persistent alarm bell going off nearby.
It’s just because I’m used to being in a state of perpetual exhaustion, and I’ve forgotten what it feels like to sleep in. Nothing more than that.
Even though the reason is valid, part of me doesn’t believe it. I snuggle in even tighter with my daughter, trying to roughly calculate how long my body has been in complete survival mode.
At least three years—as long as Cassie’s been alive. I wouldn’t trade a single minute of it, though.
I lean down and kiss my daughter’s forehead gently, smiling as she murmurs in her sleep and curls her little fingers around my arm.
I never knew I had so much love in me…
The warm room, soft blankets, and Cassie’s gentle touch on my arm seem to create a spell of comfort, and I relax next to her, feeling sleep hovering over me again. It’s almost as if my little girl can feel my distress, and she’s reaching out to me to help me rest.
It wouldn’t surprise me. She’s been pure magic since the moment she was born… but I know every mother feels that way.
My mind drifts back to the day I found out I was pregnant, and how my entire world shattered around me in that moment. I’d always been responsible and taken precautions, notjust with my sex life, but in all things. I wasn’t going to let a stupid mistake ruin my career as a successful businesswoman.
My first goal was to work at a major company doing economic analysis, then work up to being a business consultant for major conglomerates around the world.
Even though my arms are still wrapped around Cassie, and the sweet weight of her in my arms comforts me, I can’t help but feel the sharp stab of disappointment in my heart.
By now, I’d be almost done with my degree. I’d be putting in expressions of interest and applications, getting ready for internships…
My mind slips back to the “how” of it all, and my body tenses up so badly that Cassie makes a little cry in her sleep.
“Shh, baby girl, it’s okay,” I whisper. “Sorry, baby.”
I rock her a little, smoothing the bright blond hair back from her forehead. I know that I can’t control my emotions any longer, so I make sure Cassie is fully asleep again before I slip out of bed, put on a robe, and head out to the kitchen.
The lingering sense of doom fades, but it’s replaced by an intense frustration that borders on complete rage.
After all this time, I can’t think about him without getting unreasonably angry! And it’s pretty stupid, considering it was my fault, too…
A low sigh gets caught in my throat, almost a growl as I set up the coffee pot, trying not to take out my frustration on the kitchen utensils.
Rhys.
The spoon jumps off the bench, clanging to the floor. I bend over quickly, and the thing seems to jump back into myhand on its second bounce. I’d consider it to be strange, except that weird things like that always happen around me.
Fast reflexes, someone told me once. I just reacted quickly enough and anticipated where it was going to be. It’s not magic.
As I stand up and go back to making coffee, I have to hold in a chuckle.
If I had magic, then I would have had my damn head properly screwed on the night I met Rhys.
I let my thoughts drift as I finish making the coffee, then sit down at the kitchen table to drink it. Since my head is already stuck in the past, I don’t fight the memories and just let them come.
