Happy… but not perfectly content. No way.
Sitting at the kitchen table with Cassie while she happily munches through some cornflakes, I stroke her hair gently, feeling my heart swell with love for her. I keep my thoughts on what I have to do today and try to ignore Rhys’s step in the hall, but I still fail to keep my eyes off him as he walks into the room.
Sweet Jesus.
Rhys strolls in, whistling casually as he reaches up to run his fingers through his thick black hair. His bicep bulges, and I can see every single flexed muscle through the tight, white t-shirt.
“Oh, you made coffee? Great, thanks,” he says, going to the counter.
“No problem,” I say, trying to keep my voice even. Immediately, my mind snaps into my usual routine of counting the seconds I have to be in the same room with him, and how soon I can bolt.
“Good morning,” Cassie says, still munching.
Rhys gives her a playful nudge as he sits down. “Hey, kiddo. Are you going with Jean today?”
“Yeah,” she says happily. “We’re going to the big jungle gym and doing painting after!”
“That sounds fun,” he replies. “Do we need to pick her up?” he asks me.
I shake my head. “No, Jean’s picking her up soon, then bringing her back at five. We’ll be done by then, won’t we?”
“Mm-hmm,” Rhys nods, sipping his coffee. “I will be, if you are?”
“Yes,” I answer, chuckling. “Fern’s books won’t make me stay late, and she doesn’t seem to mind what hours I keep.”
“That’s good,” he says.
The conversation falls flat. The tension in the room rises steadily until it becomes such a high vibration that I can’t believe Cassie can’t feel it. She seems completely unaffected, and when a car horn beeps out front, she jumps from her chair, gives me a hug, then runs down the hall, waving to Rhys as she goes.
“Bye, Mommy!” she calls. “Bye, Rhys!”
“Bye,” he says, smiling softly as he watches her go.
I feel a nasty twinge go through me, and I can’t identify the emotion.
They’re getting so close. Cassie is always laughing and playful now. I can’t deny that this is good for her, but how can I possibly stay here?
“We should get going,” Rhys says, breaking the silence.
I nod, putting my cup in the sink, then go out to wait for him by the car.
I’d rather drive myself, but he wouldn’t allow it. To be completely honest, I can’t promise I won’t try to run.
The nasty twinge in my chest deepens, becoming real pain. The deeper truth is, I know I couldn’t just take Cassie from here.
But what do I tell her? The truth? No fucking way.
We drive to town in silence. With the tension in the car strung so tightly, I feel like the windows would shatter if I move the wrong way. I turn and look out the window, doing my best to ignore Rhys.
That night when he took us out to dinner, he seemed to warm up to me a bit, and I was almost fooled. I know the truth now, though. I’m just an inferior human, and the only reason he’s putting up with me is because of the ritual and Cassie.
When Rhys drops me off, I don’t say anything, even though the silence is awkward.
Trying to say anything meaningful would be even more awkward.
I go inside, immediately soothed by the dark, cool rooms. On my way to the back office, I wave and say good morning to Lacey, the cleaner, and Trina, who helps Fern with inventory and storage.
“How’s it going back there?” Trina asks. “I found the entire operation too frightening, and her old computer screeched like a dinosaur the first time I switched it on.”
