“No judgement,” he says, holding his hands up.
“It’s complicated,” I say with a shrug.
“What isn’t complicated these days? All good things in life worth having don’t come easy.”
“Truth.” I heave a sigh and run a hand through my hair.
Things with Noah have always been complicated, but if we hadn’t been through all the bullshit that led us to this, it wouldn’t mean as much. Was he an arsehole? Abso-fucking-lutely he was. The hostility and barbed comments stung. Especially because I knew I didn’t deserve any of it. But seeing him work hard to overcome his trauma, accept his sexuality, and move on from what his father did has only made me fall harder for him.
Noah’s a good guy who was dealt a shit hand, and I can’t wait for him to be free of all the shackles. It won’t beeasy, and I don’t know what it will look like for him with his family. I can’t imagine his dad will accept it without some sort of fallout. I only hope I’m enough for him. That our life here in Beckford with our friends and teammates is enough for him. At least until his family comes around. Because they’ve got to come around eventually, right?
Theo and I hang out for a few hours, playing the PlayStation and watching the ECL and EPL highlights. Luca’s having an amazing season. It’s surreal to think that just last year we were training and playing with him. Middlesborough are on the hunt for promotion into the EPL, and if that happens, Luca will be playing against some of the biggest names in football.
My phone stays quiet the entire time, not so much as a text from Noah or Hannah, but I try to reassure myself it’s because they’re busy mingling with people at his grandad’s birthday and ignore the niggling feeling of doom settling in my stomach. Everything is going to be fine.
By the time I get home, Jonathon and Kaleb are posing for photos with Milly and Jade. My sister looks so happy, and I think back to my Year Twelve formal. I went with Estelle Forbes, a girl from my psychology class. It was awkward because I’d been hooking up with her brother, Luke, who was a couple of years older than us, and he’d asked me to take her because she’d just broken up with her boyfriend, who was a real arsehole. Luke didn’t want them getting back together. He thought if I took her, the ex would move onto someone new.
Needless to say, I ended up with a black eye for dancing with Estelle, she got back with her ex, and things ended between me and Luke.
That will not be Milly’s experience. Jonathon is so enamoured with her, I know he won’t hurt her. The way hecan’t take his eyes off my sister has me grinning like a fool and missing Noah even more.
Knowing he wouldn’t want to miss this, I snap a photo of them and send it to him. There’s no response, but I know he’s busy.
I slip my phone away and pull Milly in for a giant bear hug, kissing the top of her head. When we pull apart, I can’t wipe the grin from my face as I sign, “You look beautiful.”
Tears shine in her eyes as she whispers, “Thanks.”
Jade elbows me in the ribs, signing for Milly as she chews me out. “Don’t make her cry, arsehole. That make-up took hours.”
I roll my eyes but pull her in for a hug as well. “Thanks for being a good friend to her.”
“Whatever,” she mutters, but she squeezes me back.
After droppingthem off at the school gym, I head over to Noah’s, where a few of the guys are hanging out.
The door’s unlocked, and I let myself in, trying not to think about sneaking out yesterday after spending the night with Noah. My eyes dart to the stairs, and for a moment, I contemplate sneaking up to his room just to feel closer to him.
Jasper appears on the landing.
“Hey, Kincaid. You good?”
I swallow, averting my gaze. “Yeah, what’s up, man?”
“The others are out the back,” he says, jogging down the stairs. “I was just grabbing my wallet to go get some pizza. You in?”
“Sounds good.”
“Help yourself to a drink. I’ll be back soon.”
He pats me on the back as he skirts past me, exiting through the door I just entered.
I cast a quick glance over my shoulder before hightailing up to Noah’s room.
It’s risky, but I still can’t shake the nagging feeling that something’s wrong.
His scent damn near overwhelms me when I enter, closing the door softly behind me. The room is neat, with nothing out of place. It’s his way of controlling something in his life.
I walk over to his bed and sit down, my hands splaying over the sheets. Images of the indecent things we did in here assault me, causing heat to rise in my cheeks. The way Noah had me crying out his name and the way his hands and tongue felt exploring my body was nothing short of euphoric.
