“Noah—”
“I want you, Zac. More than you know. But you have to be patient with me. I can’t just snap my fingers and silence everything.”
“You don’t have to rush for me,” he murmurs. “I’m not going anywhere.”
His words ease the knots in my stomach, but I can’t stay. Not tonight.
“I’m sorry.” I open the door, and he lets me leave, my chest tightening with every step away from him.
It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have come here, knowing I would struggle to keep my hands—and lips—off Zac. I’ve wanted him for so long, and now that it’s become a reality, I don’t want to hold back. But I’m playing with fire. If Dad finds out, we’ll both be in trouble.
My mind is so consumed with him as I ride home, I’m surprised I don’t fall off my bike. When I enter the house, Jasper and Dane glance up in surprise from the game they’re watching in the living room.
Dane looks down at his watch. “You’re home early. We weren’t sure if you were staying at Hannah’s.”
“I’m not feeling well,” I mutter, heading for the stairs.
It’s a half-truth. All the lies are making me feel like shit.
I’m shaking when I enter the bathroom, flicking the lock. Stumbling to the vanity, I brace my hands on the porcelain and force myself to meet my gaze.
“Don’t let him win,” I tell my reflection, my fists clenching. “Don’t. Let. Him. Win.”
I hate what my father has turned me into.
I’m pathetic.
Weak.
Why can’t I stand up to him? Just tell him I want to be with Zac. That I won’t let him rule my life anymore.
But then I think of what he did to Nathan, and the guilt almost cripples me.
Why should I get to be happy after my father ruined Nathan’s career, his future?
The air in my lungs practically suffocates me, and I fumble in my pocket for my phone. I pull it out, scrolling through my contacts until I find the one I’m looking for. As expected, when I bring my phone to my ear, I get the same message I’ve listened to for the past year and a half. The familiar voice telling me the number I’m calling is no longer in service.
Nathan changed his number before he’d even left Perth.
I don’t know where he is, or what he’s doing.
It’s like he ceases to exist anywhere except in my memory.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper to no one and to everyone as I slide down the wall until I’m on my arse. Bringing my knees up, I rest my head on them. “I’m sorry.”
I’m sorry to my dad for not being the son he wanted.
I’m sorry to Nathan for ruining his life.
I’m sorry to Hannah for dragging her into this mess.
I’m sorry to Zac for not being able to be the man he deserves.
Tears streak down my cheeks as I suck in deep, shuddering gulps of air that are more choked gasps than breaths. The room spins.
Desperately needing to breathe, I drag myself to the vanity and rip open the cupboard. My fingers knock deodorant and hair products to the ground, and my panic rises as I search for the one thing I know will bring me some reprieve, but all I find is an empty package.
Shit.
