“Stop apologising. None of this is your fault.”
“I should have told you, but I didn’t want to lose you.” Swallowing, I bring my eyes up to meet his. “I don’t want to lose you, Ethan. What happened, it’s in the past. I don’t want this to come between us.”
He sits on the edge of the bed and drops his head into his hands. “What he did to you is reprehensible.”
“It wasn’t great,” I concede, stepping between his legs and running my fingers through his hair. “But I honestly haven’t thought about what Dylan did to me since that night at your place. You helped me heal.”
He leans forward, resting his head against my stomach. “That doesn’t change the fact that my son took photos of you and shared them around.”
The words make my skin crawl, a reminder of what I’ve spent years trying to forget. It might have been easier if his friends had moved on and left me alone, but Theo Walters is an immature prick who’s still holding out hope of getting his dick wet.
“I know, and I hated him for it.” My voice remains steady despite the emotions thrumming through my body. “I hated myself for so long, but I’m not that girl anymore. You helped me believe I’m worth more than what happened to me.”
Ethan looks up at me with glassy eyes, his jaw clenched tight. “You were just a kid, Leni, and he—” He cuts himself off with a muttered curse.
“He was too.” I kneel in front of him so we’re eye level, resting my palms on his knees. “I didn’t tell you this for you to blame yourself. Dylan was eighteen. Old enough to take responsibility for his actions. I told you because I trust you, and…” I draw in a deep breath before baring my soul to him. “I’m falling for you, Ethan. This isn’t casual for me, and if I’m honest, it never was. When you told me last night you would leave Beckford with me, I knew I had to tell you the truth, even if it meant losing you. I want you to know the truth, but I don’t want you to punish yourself for something you didn’t do.”
“I raised him,” he says quietly. “I don’t understand how he could do something like this.”
“Dylan made his choices. I don’t blame you.”
“Why didn’t the school contact us?”
“They had no idea. Teenagers are experts at hiding things when they want to.”
“How can you even stand to look at me knowing what he did to you? Christ, Leni, our first interaction involved me watching you get yourself off in a sex club, followed by phone sex. How am I any different from him?”
I rest my forehead against his. “Because I was in control of my body, and I didn’t do anything I didn’t want to.”
He lets out a shaky breath and nods, but the guilt is clear in his eyes. “I don’t know what to do with all of this.”
My chest tightens and I rest back on my heels. The last thing I want to do is cause him any more pain. “Maybe we should go home,” I offer softly.
When he doesn’t say anything, I get to my feet and gather some clothes before heading into the bathroom. By the time I shower and return to the bedroom, he’s already dressed and packed.
Without a word, I follow him out to the car. I’m desperate to ask him where we stand, but his silence speaks louder than words.
Chapter 29
Ethan
Guilt lies heavy in the pit of my stomach as I drive us back to Beckford. My heart is in my throat for the woman curled up in the passenger seat beside me, her head resting on the glass as she stares out the window. How could Dylan have violated her privacy in such a disgusting way? Where did I go wrong as a father? Most importantly, how do Leni and I get past this? Because despite the trauma my son put her through, I can’t bring myself to walk away. I’m too invested.
My phone has been vibrating with notifications since we got on the highway an hour ago, but I haven’t bothered to check them. Everything pales in comparison to finding out that Dylan was the ex-boyfriend who took Leni’s virginity, waited until she passed out to take photos of her, and then passed them around to his mates, who then shared them with others.
The silence in the car is suffocating, but I don’t know what to say to make this right. I may not have been the onesharing the photos, but I raised him. I can’t believe I failed so badly.
Leni’s not the only one falling. I knew even before taking her away this weekend that if she wanted me to come with her after graduation, I would. When she said the words, my life felt whole again.
But when she read those words aloud this morning, and I read into the subtext of what she was telling me, it was like everything crumbled. I admit, I always thought it was strange that she didn’t ask questions about Dylan or Vanessa, especially when I’d caught her staring at their photos more than once. Now I know why. I can’t imagine what was going through her mind when she saw traces of him around the house, and even worse, when she passed his bedroom, where the photos had been taken.
Thirty minutes out of Beckford, I can’t take the distance between us anymore. I reach over to link my fingers through hers. To my immense relief, she doesn’t flinch or pull away, instead turning to give me a sad smile that causes my chest to tighten.
“I’m sorry,” I say, my voice raw and gravelly from not using it. She shakes her head, but I clear my throat and continue, my eyes fixed on the road. “I feel like I didn’t handle this well, and I completely understand if you want nothing to do with me after we get home, but I need you to know none of this changes how I feel about you. I’m not falling in love.” I glance at her, taking no satisfaction in the way her throat bobs or how her gaze drops to our entwined hands. “I’m not falling, because I’ve already hit the ground. Hard.”
Her eyes snap up to mine, and I smile before returningmy attention to the road. “You took this awkward, depressed divorced man and showed him it was okay to move on. Failing my first marriage didn’t have to mean I was destined to be alone. Not only did you get me to step out of my comfort zone in the bedroom, but you engaged me on an intellectual level, and I looked forward to our discussions of literature, and history, and life. I looked forward to spending time with you, getting to know therealyou.”
“Ethan?” she whispers, hope sparking in her eyes.
