He knows.
Ethan knows what I went through in high school.
He doesn’t know it was his son, but that’s the least of my worries.
I slept with a Beckford University professor, and even though I’m graduating in three months, and we didn’t know each other’s identities at the time, I know it’s frowned upon. No matter how consensual it was. Nomatter how much I wouldn’t hate if it were to happen again.
Fuck.
There’s no denying I want to do it again. Even though I know it can’t for multiple reasons. This is one gigantic mess, and I don’t know what to do to fix it.
Letting out a growl of frustration, I try to clear my mind once again and move through some gentle stretches before transitioning into Boat Pose, with my core tight, legs raised, and arms forward. My body shakes as I try to hold it. I’m wobbling both physically and emotionally.
I can’t push the conversation with Ethan from my thoughts, because it’s just another example of how he’s nothing like his son. There was no judgement in his voice, only concern. He was worried about me, and this only messes with my balance even more.
Dylan’s dad isn’t supposed to be the masked stranger I’m falling for.
It’s masochistic.
How can I feel something other than pain from anyone holding the Rourke surname?
My abs give out, and I fall back with a soft grunt. Giving up on the yoga altogether, I remain on my back, staring through the branches of the trees to the darkening sky.What am I going to do?
It’s out there now. I can’t take it back. Any of it.
As much as I don’t want to, I know I need to talk to Ethan. I have to come clean and tell him about Dylan and me. It won’t be easy, but at least he already knows the worst part of our story, even if he doesn’t know it was his son.
Who knows? Maybe it will help me to finallylet go if I confront the truth head-on. Dylan got away with what he did with no consequences, while his actions have continued to haunt me, no matter how hard I try to convince myself they have no power.
Subconsciously, I think I wrote that assignment to tell my truth, even if I never intended for his father to read it. Now that it’s out there, I have to own it.
Resolved, I pack up my yoga mat and walk back to my car. Knowing I can’t wait until tomorrow, and this isn’t the kind of conversation to have at the university, I find myself pulling up in front of a house I never thought I’d set foot inside again. Before I can lose my nerve, I climb out of my car and stride up to the front door, and knock.
I’m about to turn around and leave when the door swings open. Every rational thought slips from my mind when I see Ethan standing in the entry wearing nothing but black sweatpants, his naked chest glistening with sweat.
“Leni?” he says, blinking at me as if I’m some sort of apparition. He glances over my shoulder as if to check I’m alone, then back at me. “What are you doing here?”
“We need to talk.”
He casts another nervous glance behind me before nodding and moving aside. After closing the door, I follow him into the living room. We both hover awkwardly, tension thick in the air, and my eyes keep straying to his naked chest.
Finally, he clears his throat.
“Sorry, I was just working out. Take a seat. I’ll be right back.” He hesitates. “Did you, uh… Do you want something to drink?”
I shake my head, and he nods before leaving the room. Ipace as I wait for him to return, trying to ease the nerves fluttering in my stomach.
He’s only gone for a couple of minutes, but it feels like longer when he steps into the room fully clothed.
His whiskey eyes wash over me. “Are you okay?”
I nod, but under the weight of his heavy gaze, it slowly turns into another shake of my head.
He sighs and gestures to the couch. “Please take a seat.”
This time, I listen and sink onto his couch. His masculine scent is everywhere, even more so here than in his office, and somehow, it relaxes me. Ethan sits across from me, and while his hands are folded in his lap, I see the tension in his muscles.
“I’m sorry for upsetting you,” he says softly. “That was never my intent, and I honestly didn’t know it was you I was calling into my office.”
