My stomach turns as the image of Dylan with those two Beckford U girls assaults my memory.
“I’m living my life,” I grumble.
“Mate, you haven’t had sex in at least two years, probably longer.”
The bus erupts with laughter at that exact moment, and my cheeks burn until I turn to see they’re laughing at Walters, who is out of his seat acting like a fucking moron.
I shout down the back of the bus for him to take his seat before I bench him for the next game, then turn back to Andy. “I’m not talking about this here.”
When the bus pulls up in the stadium’s car park, I busy myself with unpacking the gear and try to avoid my best mate. As an eternal bachelor, he’s content to shag his way through life, and his answer to everything is a good fuck. I guess I’m just not wired that way.
I’ve had two sexual partners in my life. After nineteen years of marriage, I thought what Vanessa and I had was solid, but clearly, I was wrong. She walked away like it was nothing—likeIwas nothing. Was I ever enough for her? Was she faking it this whole time?
“Ready for that drink?” Andy asks, finding me in the equipment shed.
Rubbing the back of my neck, I shake my head. “I’m pretty beat. I think I’m just going to go home.”
“Don’t be like that,” he says, reaching out to clap me on the back, but I shrug him off.
“I’m not being like anything. I’m tired. See you Monday.”
He calls after me, but I ignore him, heading for my car. When I climb in behind the wheel, I rest my head on it and close my eyes. How did I get here? Who the fuck did I piss off in a former life?
I’m thirty-nine, divorced, and my son barely visits me. That pathetic feeling rears its ugly head again. My fingers itch to reach for my phone, but I realise that whatever I had with my little devil isn’t real. It’s an escape from my reality, and it’s not fair to her. She deserves so much better than me.
Starting the engine, I drive home, letting myself into my house. My footsteps echo in the empty expanse, and loneliness settles deep in my gut. Vanessa took the dog with her, so there’s no one to greet me. No one to ask how the game went. No one to ask how I’m doing.
I drop my keys on the side table near the front door, the same spot they’ve always belonged. I’m nothing if notpredictable. For a brief second, I contemplate picking them up and moving them, but I know I’m just being ridiculous.
I don’t even bother turning on the lights as I move through the house. In the kitchen, I grab a beer from the fridge before heading down the hall to my office. Twisting the cap off the top, I take a swig and stare at the chair behind my desk, remembering how only two weeks ago I sat in that very spot and got off to the sight of my little devil fucking herself for me. Recalling the sinful sounds she made turns my dick to granite, but I don’t give in. I don’t reach down to relieve the pressure, because I shouldn’t.
She’s helped me get over the awkwardness of being sexual with someone other than my ex-wife, and I’ll be forever grateful to her and Andy for pushing me out of my comfort zone. Now, I need to figure out what I actually want.
Backing out of the room, I close the door on that indiscretion. Maybe I need to leave Beckford. Start over somewhere new. There’s nothing tying me here now Dylan and Vanessa are in Blue Haven, just this empty house haunted by the ghosts of our past. I don’t even sleep in the main bedroom. I can’t. Not after Vanessa desecrated it with her little boy toy. I burned the bed—not my finest moment—but I can’t bring myself to enter that room.
A surge of resolve flows through me at the idea of starting fresh. My extent of travel has consisted of away games. When we were together, Vanessa and I never asked our parents for a cent. We were too proud, wanting to do it all by ourselves. She didn’t have that problem when she left me. Her parents were more than happy to help her, butthey never liked me, blaming me for ruining their daughter’s life by knocking her up.
The season is almost over. I have two more years on my contract as coach, but Andy could take over in the interim. A change might be just what I need to get me out of this rut.
Chapter 9
Leni
By Monday afternoon, the university is buzzing with the soccer team’s second win, this one against another top rival. All anyone can talk about is whether they’ll make it three from three against Blue Haven University this weekend.
I try to block it out as I head to the library, not wanting to hear what a shame it is that Dylan refused to play under his father and enrolled at BHU instead of Beckford U. I, for one, am glad the arsehole tucked tail and ran.
I find Willow at one of the tables, staring at her music assignment with a glazed look. Sometimes, she drags me to her stepbrother’s games—her mother often insists she support Luca—and it still stirs up unwanted memories for me of sitting in the crowd watching Dylan in high school.
The things I do for my bestie. It’s worth it, though. I’d do anything for her, which is why I made her try Euphoria. She needed the confidence to find someone who wants what she has to offer.
Dropping my books onto the table, I slide into the seat beside her, grinning as she startles.
“Hey. Why are your cheeks so flushed?”
“They’re not,” she says, avoiding my gaze.
A smirk tugs at my lips. “Are you thinking about a certain sexy phantom?”
