@daring_devil: Your big words are a big turn on, sir.
@watch_me_watch_you: Can I ask you a serious question?
@daring_devil: You can ask, but I’m not promising to answer.
I bite my lip, my stomach swirling in anticipation as I watch the three dots dance across the screen for a few minutes, grinning as I imagine him agonising over every word. He’s so cautious with everything we do, I just want to keep pushing him out of his comfort zone. After all, that’s why I started going to my cousin’s club. I was sick of thinking what Dylan did defined me. I wanted to prove to myself it didn’t.
@watch_me_watch_you: What’s a gorgeous woman like yourself doing entertaining an old man like me? I’m sure you would have your pick of guys yourown age.
@daring_devil: Guys my age only care about themselves.
@watch_me_watch_you: I can’t really disagree with you there… but I’m old enough to be your father. I don’t want to get weird, but I’m sure he wouldn’t want you interacting with someone like me.
A pang of bitterness washes over me at the reminder of my absentee father who couldn’t give a fuck about me or what I do. I haven’t heard from him in ten years, I certainly don’t care what he thinks.
@daring_devil: He’d have to be in my life to care.
My stomach swoops when I press send. I don’t know why I told him that.
Nothing appears on my screen for a few minutes. I’m about to exit out of the app when the three dots finally appear.
@watch_me_watch_you: I’m sorry to hear that.
@daring_devil: I’m not. He doesn’t deserve someone as awesome as me.
@watch_me_watch_you: He certainly doesn’t.
@watch_me_watch_you: No one with any sense would walk away from you.
I don’t know why, but unease settles in my gut. When he messaged me last night, I got the feeling he was trying to scare me away by telling me about his ex-wife and son, and now I feel like he’s sayinghedoesn’t deserve me.
Swallowing my fear of abandonment, I carefully word my next response.
@daring_devil: I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with independent will.
@watch_me_watch_you: Look at you, quoting Jane Eyre.
My heart-rate kicks up a notch, a smile playing on my lips.
@daring_devil: You know Charlotte Brönte?
@watch_we_watch_you: I’m familiar with a few of the classics.
@daring_devil: What’s your favourite?
@watch_me_watch_you: I’d probably have to say A Tale of Two Cities.
@daring_devil: The opening line always gets me… “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” The perfect metaphor for life.
@watch_me_watch_you: Exactly. History’s full of those messy moments.
@daring_devil: Are you interested in history?
@watch_me_watch_you: You could say that… but this is getting dangerously personal, little devil.
I release a heavy sigh. He’s right, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting to know more. I’m about to ask another question when my mother flings open the door to my bedroom.
“Your sisters are ready for school,” she says, running a critical eye over my ripped jeans and Beckford U hoodie.
