“Anything else on your mind?”
My pulse twitches in my veins. “What do you mean?”
“I mean what it sounds like—you seemed like you were distracted earlier. Anything else you’re thinking about?”
Now’s your chance, Moni!
I’m rendered speechless as I lock up in Jin’s arms. My eyes have rounded, and I’ve started naturally holding my breath without even meaning to.
But even as I urge myself to take the bait and tell him, I can’t find the words. I can’t make my tongue cooperate enough to speak them.
“Um… no… nothing,” I stammer. “Just tired from all the traveling. It doesn’t help that my mom’s been keeping us busy every day since we’ve arrived. She’s exhausting in the best way.”
Though the room is almost pitch black, I can still sense Jin’s stare. It’s visceral even in the dark as he peers at me in more intent study that only he’s capable of.
He doesn’t even need to respond for me to know he doesn’t buy the answer. He knows I’m evading the truth.
But he doesn’t push me on it.
That’s one of the things I’ve always appreciated about him—he gives me space, allowing me come to him on my own terms.
“Alright,” he says finally. “We should sleep. Your mother mentioned more touring tomorrow.”
Minutes go by before we’re nodding off.
I welcome the drowsiness, falling asleep to the quiet rhythm of Jin’s breathing and the warmth of his embrace.
But what should be at least six hours of uninterrupted sleep only turns out to be forty-five minutes. The sleepiness that crawls over me wears off as my mind turns back on and thoughts about the pregnancy test wake me up.
I roll over, slipping away from Jin, trying to get comfortable again. A feat that suddenly feels impossible. If it’s not one thing, it’s the other, like the room temperature being too warm or my leg feeling restless.
My stomach churns from nerves or nausea; I’m not even sure which anymore.
I try to shut out the thoughts that come one right after the other. The same questions I’ve been turning over in my head from the moment the two pink lines appeared on the screen of the stick I’d peed on.
After what feels like hours of tossing and turning, I can’t take it anymore. Even another minute will drive me crazy.
“Jin,” I whisper almost timidly into the darkness. “Are you awake?”
“Yes,” he answers at once. It’s as if he’s been lying beside me as I’ve fretted and tossed and turned, waiting out the inevitable moment where I’d consult him. He confirms this only a second later by adding, “You’ve been restless.”
“Sorry… I didn’t mean to move around so much and keep you up. It’s just…” I let out a shaky breath, trying to piece together where I’m even going with this.
He hooks an arm around my waist and draws my body back to his. In the shadowy room, he’s just an indistinct dark outline, but his presence more than makes up for it.
It’s the sort of commanding presence that makes me feel safe and valid without even trying. As if he’s so attuned to me that no matter what I say, he’ll handle it and we’ll be okay.
It’s with this in mind that I finally have the courage needed to go on.
“Jin… I… I need to tell you something.”
“I know, Tokki-ya. I already figured that part out. Now tell me what it is.” He’s propped himself up on his elbow, his other arm still slung over my hip.
My heart rate picks up, doubling within seconds. Unsure how else to phrase it, I go into ramble mode.
“I… okay, so… you know how I was feeling sick at lunch? And how I’ve been tired lately and my feet have been swollen and my breasts kind of tender?” I ask, speaking fast. “Um… well, I didn’t think anything of it. I figured it was jet leg or stress or maybe I caught a bug or something.
“Then tonight I picked up a test when we stopped at the drugstore. I took it when we got home, but I didn’t say anything because I wasn’t sure, and I didn’t want to worry you if it was nothing?—”
