The official excuse I gave was needing to buy a new face cleanser. The one I packed for our trip ran out. The real reason was a little more shocking.
I slip down the hall to the guest bathroom, snicking shut the door and digging around in the plastic bag.
The pregnancy test feels so foreign in my grasp as I stare down at it, and my stomach ripples with another sudden nauseous wave.
“It’s okay… it’s nothing,” I whisper to myself. “You have an IUD. It’s like… 99% effective. There’s no way you’re…”
I trail off with a breath that rattles out of me. Then I tear open the box and read through the instructions.
Three minutes. That’s all it takes.
But they quickly prove to be the longest three minutes of my life.
I try to distract myself with my phone, scrolling through TikTok and checking my email, but how do you take your mind off the chance you might be pregnant?
It’s not a thought that’s come out of nowhere—the nausea was sudden, but it’s not the first time I’ve felt thatway in recent weeks, and my feet and other body parts have been tender and swollen as of late.
My sense of smell has been unmatched.
Mom would probably say I was a little cranky during her tour today.
“No,” I whisper. “Definitely not… right?”
What would Jin say?
We’ve never really talked about children. Jin’s been honest about how he spent most of his life certain he wasn’t the type of man to be a husband or a father.
Falling in love with me has changed his mind about love and marriage. But being a father? That’s an entirely different thing.
Honestly? I’m not even sure if I want to be a mom. If I’m evenreadyto be.
I’m only thirty which, in the past, used to mean women were already married and popping them out, often one after another. But these days, thirty is still so young…
These thoughts and more spiral out of control ’til I’m imagining myself with a belly the size of a watermelon and feeling even more nauseous.
Then I remember it was only a three minute wait and glance down.
Two pink lines. Clear and unmistakable.
The air leaves my lungs in a rush, and I grip the edge of the sink to steady myself. My reflection stares back at me—wide eyes, parted lips, an expression caught somewhere between shock and wonder.
Pregnant.
I’m…pregnant.
There’s a baby growing inside me. A tiny life, half me and half Jin.
The tears come before I can stop them, sliding hot and fastdown my cheeks. I press a hand to my still-flat stomach and try to wrap my head around the enormity of what this means.
I don’t know how Jin will react or how we’ll navigate bringing a child into the complicated, dangerous life we’ve built.Beforewe’ve even walked down the aisle and gotten married.
I wipe my eyes and draw a deep breath.
“Okay,” I whisper to my reflection. “It’s… it’s going to be okay.”
Now I just have to figure out how to tell Jin.
2.Monroe
