Marriage and now a child.
It was one thing when it was just me. I’m an adult with agency and the ability to make choices with eyes wide open, knowing exactly who Jin was and what his life demanded. I accepted the risks because I love him so much I’m willing to make peace with any danger his world might bring.
It’s changed now that we have a baby to think about.
An innocent life, growing inside me, completely dependent on the choices we make.
Is it responsible to raise a child in the shadow of the Baekho Pa? To bring a baby into a world of violent mafia feuds and enemies who often have no morals and no qualms about hurting innocents?
These are the thoughts that keep me up at night, spiraling in my mind like water circling a drain.
I’m probably overthinking it. I’m overreacting when Jin has explicitly made it clear I’m safe and he’s willing to take any measure to ensure I am.
It’s hormones messing with me. Making me more emotional and reactionary than I should be. These are the things I tell myself to quiet the anxiety and convince myself it’ll be okay.
All I can do is take things one day at a time and hope that love is enough to see us through…
The first day of the Korean school year arrives with crisp spring air and bright sunshine.
You’d think I were a student at the school the way I wake with a flutter of nerves in my belly—or maybe it’s more dreaded first-trimester nausea—and I change my outfit twice before settling on one.
Jin tries to convince me to take the schoolyear off. He says he’d prefer if I didn’t work at all, especially during my pregnancy, worried I’ll exert and exhaust myself and it won’t be good for the baby.
“I will take care of you, Tokki-ya,” he tells me more than once. “We don’t need your income. I more than make enough for you to never work again. For us to live much more lavishly than we do.”
All things I’m aware of—as the boss in one of South Korea’s most powerful mafia syndicates, Jin is raking in dough. Though he’s naturally a modest and frugal person, he could provide me and our child with a very comfortable life.
It’s admittedly tempting, and an offer I still might take him up on once the baby is born, but for now I decide to go back to teaching.
The pregnancy’s come so suddenly and unexpectedly that I’m not ready to pause my career just yet.
For now, I need to maintain my own identity outside of him and our relationship and the impending reality of motherhood.
Teaching gives me that. It reminds me I’m more than just Jin’s fiancée or the future mother of his child.
At least for the next few months, I’d like to embrace my role as a schoolteacher before stepping into the one of mother.
He kisses me goodbye and reminds me to take it easy. I head to Suyeong Academy still with the nerves rippling away, but also with a sense of excitement to walk the school halls again.
After Jin and I faked my death while I was being targeted by the Baekho Pa, I almost chose not to return to the same school.
It was difficult enough establishing that the news reports were wrong. I wasn’t really some American expat that had gone missing or been murdered.
I was simply off the grid and on vacation during the summer break.
My identity had mistakenly been named as the murder victim, but actually, it was some other unfortunate and unknown American expat who was killed.
But I’ve always loved Suyeong Academy for its modern facilities and bright, well-behaved students. It’s truly the kind of teaching atmosphere I’ve always dreamed of as someone who pursued a career in education.
The faculty lounge is already buzzing with activity when I arrive.
It’s a spacious room decorated with sofas, small tables to sit and eat lunch or grade papers, and other conveniences like a kitchenette in the corner that often smells like coffee and burnt toast.
Teachers mill about, exchanging greetings and gossip and catching up after the break.
I barely make it three steps through the door before a familiar voice calls out to me.
“Monroe, over here!”
