She watched him look around a little at the photos on the walls.His eyes swept over the mail on the table, then stopped on one of the envelopes.He picked it up and studied it.
“When did you get this?”he asked gently.
Rachel’s stomach squirmed.“A few weeks ago, I think.”
“She isn’t supposed to be in contact with you.”
“No?”
“No.Not while the trial is pending.You’re a witness.”He scoffed.“Jesus.I’ll report that.She’s left your name off, I guess that’s why it got missed.But they need to monitor her outgoing mail.I can’t believe this.”He paused, ran a finger over the back of the envelope, which was still sealed.“You haven’t opened it?”
Rachel shook her head.She’d meant to toss Mary’s unopened letter right into the recycling bin, but for some reason, she hadn’t yet.Detective Stevens watched her, waited, and just as she had on the porch the night of the murder, she found herself compelled to talk to him.Other than Kim’s occasional calls, and brief “thank-you”s to cashiers, she hadn’t spoken to another human being in two months.
“I…” Her eyes pricked and she blinked hard as the coffee maker began to drip behind her.“I don’t think there’s anything she could say that I would want to hear.It’ll just be lies, like always.I don’t think she even knows how to tell the truth.”
Detective Stevens nodded slowly, didn’t press for more.His mouth stretched into a small, kind smile.The sort you give to a skittish stray.The smell of coffee filled the kitchen, which felt warmer with him here.When it was ready, Rachel poured two mugs and handed him one.
“How about we take these out to the porch,” he said, gesturing to the back door.“A bit of fresh air.”
Rachel nodded and followed him.They settled down in the creaky Muskoka chairs, a foot apart.The breeze blew softly.It was a cool fall day, but the sun was still warm.Crispy leaves swished in the trees overhead.They sat in silence again, sipping.
“You saw my cart at the liquor store, didn’t you?”Rachel finally asked, blowing across the surface of her drink, watching it ripple.
“Yup.”
“And that’s why you’re here?”
“Yup.”
She glanced at him, but he was staring out at the water.She drank her coffee, felt the warmth trickle down through her core.He chewed on his lip a bit, then seemed to come to a decision about something.
“Between you, me, and the lake…I had a problem once, too.Had to take a long leave from the job and everything.My chief at the time insisted, or he woulda had my badge.”
Her eyebrows raise.
“I won’t uh…I won’t get into why, but I went down fast.No one ever talks about how steep the slope is, eh?The dependency can come on real quick.”Rachel felt a swell in her throat at the words.It had only taken about three weeks for her to wake up in the morning wanting a drink.To need one to get to sleep at night, and most of the time in between.She’d begun mixing the booze with a high dose of the antidepressants she’d been on since she was sixteen.When she’d poured this coffee, she had to remember not to spike it out of habit.
“It’s the desperation that gets us,” the detective said.“You just want to smother the pain, and aside from actually killing yourself, this is the quickest route to numb.”
She squinted her eyes against the threatening tears, the accuracy of what he’d said.He understood.
“You need to put up a fence over there,” he said then, matter-of-fact.
“I know.”Rachel watched the weeds on the cliff edge bend over, flutter in the wind.With what she knew now, she couldn’t figure out why Dora never had one installed.That was just one of the many riddles and mysteries she was now stuck with.“But I don’t think it would have stopped Mary from killing her.It was clear she wanted my grandmother dead.”
“You could be right,” he said.“But still.You should get it done.”
“I will.”
They were quiet, both draining the last of their drinks.
“So how did you pull yourself out of it?”Rachel finally asked.
He sighed, set his mug down on the arm of the chair.“There’s a rehab place called Pineview, just outside of Guelph.They had good therapists, too.Helped me get through a lot, figure some stuff out.”
“And have you been sober since?”she asked.
“Yup.The rehab was even harder than the addiction and depression.But worth every fucking minute of effort.”
